Girls Write Out
Sunday, November 11, 2007
COLLEEN'S BLOOPER
We’re in the hospital room. Colleen. Denise. Me. The fragrance of coffee lifts from their Starbucks’ cups and fills my room while we have a nice little chat. I’m sitting in a chair (my first time up since surgery). My body is starting to feel stiff, sore. Mama Colleen’s antenna snaps to attention.

“You okay?” she asks.

“You mean other than that whole missing lung thing? Yeah. I’m just tired.”

“Call the nurse so they can put you back to bed.”

“I will. They’re awful busy. I hate to bother—”

What happens next still brings chills to my bones.

Colleen’s nurturing side prompts her to action. She leaps from the chair and lunges for the nurse’s call light on my bed. From my peripheral vision I see Denise’s arms and legs flail in slow motion, eyes wide, flashing, a silent scream on her lips.

A frantic “No!” rips through the air just as Colleen’s fingers squeeze the button on the . . . .

Morphine trigger.

“Goodnight Colleen. Goodnight Denise. Goodnight John Boy.”
Well, it could have played out that way. Fortunately, we stopped her in the nick of time before the final push sent me to lunch with the sandman, but we came close. Very close.

You know, I truly can’t help wondering what really lurks behind that “suspenseful” mind of hers.
Diann Hunt  
posted at 8:48 PM  
  Comments (33)
 
 
Delicious Delicious
33 Comments:
At 9:11 PM, Blogger Suzanne said...

Oh my! Maybe you should be more discerning about who you let visit you? LOL
Glad she didn't kill you off ;)

 
At 9:38 PM, Blogger Colleen Coble said...

God protects the innocent. I DID push that thing. I distinctly feel it go in. I turn satisfied and certain the nurse is about to appear to see the horrified faces around me. Only then does it soak in that she's said I pushed her morphine button.

"Oh well," I say. "You probably needed a dose anyway."

In reality I'm horrified. I have visions of the old days when I might have overdosed her. LOL

 
At 9:40 PM, Blogger Denise Hunter said...

It was HILARIOUS! But not until we determined she didn't get the morphine. She was already fighting to stay awake.

 
At 10:23 PM, Blogger Cara Putman said...

Glad you're doing well -- and so delighted with the diagnosis. God is so good!

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger Jaime said...

I'm still laughing - that was SO funny!! Glad you're feeling better. ... and that Colleen didn't succeed in setting you up with Mr. Sandman

 
At 12:38 AM, Blogger Kayla said...

Sounds like something Dr. House would do on purpose, and then say, "Oops. I thought I was calling for a nurse."

 
At 2:15 AM, Blogger Anna Marie said...

Oh, that is funny the way Diann put it. But,I feel for you Colleen. It sounds like something I would have done. Trying to do a good thing, gone wrong. LOL

 
At 3:13 AM, Blogger Malia Spencer said...

LOL It's a good thing those things are blocked to only dispense a certain amount! I'm glad you're okay, Diann. :)

I think hospital blooper stories are a must. I don't know one person who doesn't have one. Here's one from last month.

When I was discharged, I decided I wanted to lie down in the backseat of the car instead of sitting up. Sitting after back surgery just sucks. I very carefully get out of the wheelchair and start arranging myself in the backseat as my mother hovers nearby waiting to close to the door. I was just inching down towards the other door and almost settled when my mother, thinking I'm done, closes the door and whacks me in the head. I can only lie there stunned, trying not to cry (and not succeeding) because it hurts so bad. My mother is horrified and starts apologizing over and over again. I'm ignoring her because I'm trying to stop crying as that was just tensing up my muscles and making my back hurt worse.

I finally manage to gulp enough air to stop crying and my dad helps me out of the backseat. My mom is still apologizing and I manage to assure her I'm okay, the lies we tell for our family, and request some more medication. That distracts her long for my dad to settle me in the front seat. I take a couple of Percocet and grit my teeth for the long, painful ride home.

Next time I'll know to take more pain killers BEFORE I leave my room since you never know what injuries you may sustain on the way out.

 
At 7:04 AM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Oh, Malia, that sounds painful!!! How's your back doing now? What's your prognosis? I've heard back surgery can be very painful! I'm so glad you're done with it!

Honestly, you all should have seen the look on Colleen's face. If only I'd had a camera! It was the funniest thing! Anyway, she didn't overdose me, and we had a good laugh over it. It's a great lesson in character study, though, isn't it? Soooo like her to try to protect me!

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Katy McKenna said...

Oh, you guys!!!!! So funny. I'm picturing Colleen, if left unchecked, pushing that button OVER AND OVER AGAIN, when the nurse didn't immediately answer! Of course, the dosage administration is somehow programmed to be self-limiting, but Di could have had a NICE little snooze before anyone figured THAT out. :)

Great hospital story. One for the books, I'd say. Now, WHOSE book is the question. ;) So glad you're home SAFE and sound, Di!!

 
At 8:45 AM, Blogger Kellie said...

So good to "hear" you this morning!

Your story sounds like a Lucy and Ethel moment to me...something to keep you laughing in a tough time!

kellie

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger Crystal Laine Miller said...

I'm so glad you are up (isn't it amazing how soon they have you up!) and that you are progressing well, Diann.

Now, as to Colleen---whose turn is it to watch her?? Her day sounds like maybe someone needs to be monitoring the one who watches out for everyone else!

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger Malia Spencer said...

Diann, I'm doing well. I'm still not a 100% but things are a lot better, even better than they were before the surgery. The surgeon expects me to make a full recovery. As far as pain goes you know for yourself how great morphine is, which I had in the hospital, and they sent me home with Percocet. I kept myself medicated enough for the first couple of weeks I didn't feel very much pain at all and spent hours sleeping every day. I go back to work tomorrow and will be doing physical therapy, probably for the rest of the year.

Hopefully within another couple of weeks I'll be able to drive and put on my shoes. There's still a few stitches in my back that's making these activities rather uncomfortable but at least I can now sit in a chair.

I'll be praying and hoping for a full recovery for you too!

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Julie Carobini said...

You forgot to add Colleen saying, "Mwaah-ah-ah!"

Haha--just kidding Colleen (I've read your books, though, lol)

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger Jenny said...

Too funny!
I remember (kind of) the day after my hysterectomy I was supposed to get up and sit in a chair for half an hour. So what did the nurse tell me to do? Take a hit of morphine and then sit in the chair. Right. My husband kept trying to keep me awake and I kept asking "Can I go back to bed now?" I've no idea how long I was in the chair or even how I got back into bed. But that's good stuff, I tell you what.

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger Jenny said...

PS--The part I meant to say first--I'm so glad you are doing better, Diann. Blessings on you and your recovery!

 
At 1:43 PM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Glad you're better, Malia!

You're right, Julie, I should have put that in there! LOL!! It sooooo fits Colleen! *g*

Oh my goodness, Jenny, I can so relate! I hated that chair! *g*

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger Jenny said...

Diann,
Aren't you glad you write so you have somewhere to work that evil chair for good? lol Gotta go in a book.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger Travis Erwin said...

I friend in need
an attempted good deed.

So you nearly ahd a nap,
there are worse mishaps.

Sorry for the putrid poetry, and here is hoping for a speedy recovery.

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger Ane Mulligan said...

I KNEW it was worth waiting for!!! Oh my word! ROFLOL!!!!

Colleen, remind me to thank God you live in Indiana if I ever have to face surgery. :o)

Di, I'm sure glad y'all stopped her, but you pegged it. Better keep a close eye on her. That mind of hers ... hmm hmm.

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

Di, if you're ever on life support, Colleen is NOT allowed in the room. Is that clear? KB

 
At 7:00 PM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Oh man, Kristin, you're right. Life support and Colleen in the same room, I don't think so. *g*

 
At 7:01 PM, Blogger Colleen Coble said...

I see how you are. Turn on me at the first mistake. LOL

 
At 9:03 PM, Blogger Rachel Hauck said...

That is so funny!

C, you're not supposed to use your friends for research like that. LOL.

Seriously, Colleen is the LAST person to do anything to harm a friend.

Di, glad you're home and feeling better!

God is good!

Love, R

 
At 3:46 AM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

The truth of the matter is, I could use Colleen's morphine trigger happy pointer right about now . . . . *g*

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger Ausjenny said...

Oh my im laughing with you all.
oh and the comment about Colleen and a life support room was priceless. only i think then she wouldn't need to push the button cos you would already be back in the bed.
Im glad i found this site.

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Welcome, ausjenny! Hope you drop in again! :-)

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger Pam Meyers said...

I'm a little late in reading about Colleen's helpfulness but it came at the right time. It's been a stressful couple days and you have had me totally in stitches. Laughing is good for the soul and this soul needed a good laugh.

So happy to hear you are on the mend with a very rosy future Diann!!

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger Deena said...

**snort** Now THAT belongs in a book!

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger WordVixen said...

More fodder for the fiction. :) I love the story, and I'm glad you're alright.

Oh... and my word verification? "laghbu" It seems appropriate.

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger Tara Pierce said...

That's hilarious! But Di, I'm so glad you had someone helpful around in your time of need...though the helpful part seems a bit suspect. :-) ahem!

I'll add my hospital blooper story to Malia's. Four weeks ago from this very minute (I kid you not) I was lying helpless on my hospital bed having just vomited into the repulsive little pink tub. The anesthesia from my surgery had gotten the better of me. The pain from retching was almost unbearable and I DID push the morphine trigger, but when I reached for the call button to fetch a nurse...it wasn't there!!!

Before the 7:00pm shift change, my nurse had straighted and changed part of my bed but in doing so had hung my call button/TV control/light control out of her way over some gadget affixed to the wall. I was in the last room by the LOCKED door of the Pediatric unit (and I'm 36!) and my pitiful voice wasn't strong enough to summon a nurse. The myomectomy I had endured earlier that afternoon had rendered my stomach muscles totally useless...and any attempt to reach for anything beyond the confines of my side-boarded bed was futile. I looked longingly at my hospital phone and even my cell phone on the bedside dresser, but they might as well have been outside the room.

However, on my right index finger was the oxygen sensor connected to a little box resting on the bed beside me. I knew from experience earlier that evening that if my oxygen level got too low, "the people" monitoring me from another part of the hospital would call my nurse. So, I promptly yanked the oxygen tube away from my nose and proceeded to let my hair have a dose of the life-sustaining flow.

Sure enough, about 20 minutes later a nurse showed up saying "they called, your oxygen is dropping..."

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Oh, wow, Tara, that's kind of scary, isn't it? I had my nurse's call button out of reach at one point, and felt a little bit of panic. Fortunately, someone came in shortly afterwards and I was able to get whatever it was I needed (I think pain killers! *g*).

All these stories have been so great! Thanks for sharing!

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger Lylah said...

That's FUNNY. A dear friend of mine passed on some tylonel to subdue the aching head. Didn't take to long to realize it wasn't pain reliever of that kind...but it was the narcotic kind. So funny. I don't really like sick humor :-)

blessings on you all...I will have to get the book. lylah

 

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The Authors
Kristin Billerbeck
Kristin Billerbeck is a proud Californian, wife, mother of four, and connoisseur of the irrelevant. She writes Christian Chick Lit; where she finds need for most of the useless facts lulling about in her head.

www.KristinBillerbeck.com

Colleen Coble

Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.

www.ColleenCoble.com

Denise Hunter

Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.

www.DeniseHunterBooks.com

Diann Hunt

Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.

www.DiannHunt.com

Hannah Alexander

Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.

www.HannahAlexander.com

 
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