Girls Write Out
Friday, June 04, 2010

Love at First Sight!

I'm a hard person to get to know. I think it comes from being raised with a mentally disabled brother. I only pick "safe" friends, "loyal" friends and it takes me a long time to get close to people. That's why, so many years ago, when Colleen brought Diann Hunt with her to the Mount Hermon Writers' Conference, she was worried that I wouldn't accept Diann as "one of us". Now, I'm not cliquish -- I don't like anyone to feel left out and I will be nice to everyone. Really, you only know I love you when I'm mean to you. When I will say what I really think.

So when Diann moved into our room, no one was more surprised than me how INSTANTLY we hit it off. I loved her from the very start, trusted her immediately and most importantly, cracked up like a teenager with her. Part of the reason I'm so careful about who I "invest" in as friends, is that I'm an emotionally overloaded person. I feel other people's pain immensely, so I have to keep that crew to a minimum. And you know, if I knew that Diann was going to have MY luck, I might have rethought that. (Totally kidding!)

Isn't it amazing how sometimes you just have this great chemistry with people and can't explain it? I just listened to a Nobel Laureate in neurobiology talk about how the brain is largely a guessing machine and sometimes it makes mistakes, but it takes your memories stored up and binds them together in the hippocampus, so that you learn to make decisions based on what's worked before.

Now my best friend was raised with me. We've known each other since we were four and we were sort of mean girls at four. But we improved. But she is EXACTLY like me. I mean, I can't imagine what it's like for her to read my books because she has to know exactly what I'm going to say. The friends I've picked up along the way are nothing like me. So I wonder what it is in them that attracted me so naturally.

There are friends who last seasons in your life, and then there are those who endure through it all. And for me, that's been a love at first sight kind of meeting. How about you? Do you rely on your "feelings" to make friends? Is it natural or developed slowly over time?
posted at 2:28 PM  
  Comments (13)
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At 9:01 PM, Blogger Hannah Alexander said...

I was like that with DIann, too, Kris. She has an attitude that embraces you and makes you feel accepted. By the way, I do enjoy being able to say whatever I want to you--and our other girlswriteout girls--and not cringe for fear I've offended. That kind of comfortable companionship is priceless.

At 9:50 PM, Blogger Sun said...

I don't make friends easily. This began when I was eight soon after I started second grade. But I tend to know when I'm going to hit it off with someone. This proved true just under two years ago when I met the rest of my coworkers. I picked one out of all eight of them and knew that we'd be good friends. I feel most comfortable around her than I do any of the others although the others and I are good friends as well. The job I had before this also proved this true as two girls trained me, but I knew when I saw the second one that we would hit it off. And we did. :)

At 11:06 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

Yes, you're right about Diann. No question. Sun, that's amazing that you picked them out like that. It's funny, it's almost a chemistry thing, isn't it?

At 2:04 AM, Blogger Ruthie said...

Sadly, though I often click with people, they don't click with me. Sometimes I wonder if it's because they are afraid I will be a "needy" friend who pulls them down. (I am totally disabled and in a wheelchair...guess some people can't handle that. *sigh*) I have had wonderful friends, though, through the years.

What is even more difficult than making a friend is losing one, whether through death, moving away and therefore apart, or due to a serious disagreement. Sometimes that's more painful to endure than the loneliness of not making friends; maybe it's the cause of many people's fear of closeness.

I dunno. Perhaps I'm not the best one to comment on this subject. All I know is that God loves me, making me love-able to both myself and others. What better friend can we have than Him?

At 2:41 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

Ruthie, you are so right, people do fear closeness and also I think people just don't know what to say when everything doesn't look "normal". I mean it ranges from people who outright ask what's wrong with you, to saying their slights in subtext form, or just not allowing themselves to engage at all.

I've seen it with my brother (he's severely autistic among other diagnoses). The good thing is when you do make a friend, you know they're for real. I often feel sorry for Hollywood stars and how they get sold out by maids, friends, etc. That has to feel like such a betrayal.

At 5:36 AM, Blogger jel said...

that's one thing i havn't been so good at, that's making friends !

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Ane Mulligan said...

I think Diann has glue all over her personality that makes us all drawn to her. :) The first time I met her, I found someone a lot like me. We have the same outlook.

But like you, Kristin, I've found others I really feel drawn to who are very different from me. LIke Deb Raney. She's the nicest, sweetest person I know. I'm not so nice or sweet. Yet, I'm drawn to her as a friend.

I've had friends I've know since I was an infant, but it's my adulthood friendships that are blooming. For me, my girlfriends are a vital part of my life.

And there is nothing on earth more enticing than a Girls Road Trip!!! ;o)

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

Jel, it's harder for some of us. And if you're like me and loud, but inherently shy, you just look stuck up. LOL I am learning to get out there though. It's been easier to reach out living in the culture shock I do because I understand it has to be harder for someone else who is in a foreign country from what they're used to.

Amen Ane

At 1:59 PM, Blogger jel said...

I'm not much of a talker, i'm more of a listener, I use to be a open book, "so to speak" but anymore I don't like talking about myself!

At 10:10 PM, Blogger Colleen Coble said...

To me strangers are just friends I haven't met yet. LOL But the closest ones are ones I instantly click with. You girls were those sorts.

At 11:33 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

Jel, maybe you need more hobbies to talk about. I'm starting this new phase of life as my kids get older and trying to figure out what I"m about when I'm not caring for little people 24/7. My youngest is nearly ten now, and the job is just different.

I'm trying out hobbies so I can connect with more people. Writers are natural shut-ins.

At 1:29 PM, Blogger jel said...

I got hobbies, I just don't like to talk that much, even on the phone, my dad, and a uncle were the same. :)

and be~in shut~in is not a bad thing, I like it

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Hannah Alexander said...

I'm kind of the same way, jel. I love our girlswriteout get-togethers, crave the girl time, but here at home I hide, don't answer the door, cringe when the phone rings for fear it's someone who will want to talk for hours. Still, it does get lonely, but it's just the way some of us are wired.


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The Authors
Kristin Billerbeck
Kristin Billerbeck is a proud Californian, wife, mother of four, and connoisseur of the irrelevant. She writes Christian Chick Lit; where she finds need for most of the useless facts lulling about in her head.

Colleen Coble

Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.

Denise Hunter

Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.

Diann Hunt

Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.

Hannah Alexander

Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.

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