Do you know that book? (Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day) Mine wasn't that bad, just a series of humiliations that sort of added up to 54 (my IQ points for the day!)

First off, I'm going to Indiana for the ACFW Writers' Conference in the middle of this month, so naturally, I booked my flight well in advance. Except I didn't and so today, the airfare was $570! I'm not going to ITALY people. That's INDIANA. But on a happy note, I had almost enough Visa points because I haven't really figured that system out. Today I figured it out.

After fourteen or so loads of laundry, I went to the mall with a purpose. And you know, you can never find anything when you're looking. I'm ready for my Fall handbag. I said I would not buy one until the Fall. Even my kids are impressed. I wanted either a deep slate blue, navy or eggplant one. I was dressed like a slob. You can't go to the mall and get help when you're dressed like a snob. Except at Nordstrom. Thank you Nordy's. But I had khaki shorts on, unironed and they were covered with green flecks of the yarn from my knitting project (a hat, that is currently sort of sad, but I'm hoping my knitting group at the coffee shop can help me tomorrow.) I looked so bad, that even the guy in the center of the mall hawking the steamer iron -- didn't even bother.

Since I don't wear eye shadow, and Colleen is always nagging me about eye shadow when we dress up, I dropped into a store and looked at some colors. I found one that matched my gown and asked if I could try it on. (My first mistake.) They send me over the "representative" who I did not see until it was too late. I don't know why it is, and if this is racist forgive me for stereotyping, but Asian women really know how to use eye shadow. However, this one apparently missed the memo. Which is not a good thing because she is coming at me with a brush full of sparkle.

Instinctively, I back away. My brain running through excuses. My dog ate my homework...oh, was that my cell phone I just heard?? But it's too late. By the time I'm done, I look like the rainbow fish was in my neighborhood and left a glittery fin. So let me give you this beautiful image of me in wrinkly khaki shorts, covered with green yard bits and now sporting blue eyeshadow circa 1970. Um, I remember this the first time, and it wasn't good then, lady.

So now I'm having this inner turmoil. Do I buy this ugly stuff that makes me look like a streetwalker, who is not going to get much? Or do I stand up for myself and say, um, thank you but no...

I wimp out. I am the proud owner of two ugly eyeshadows (not the FOUR she tried to sell me, so there is that.) This all started because my best friend told me to go to Mac and get the guy to put on eye shadow and draw me a picture. But I went into that store and felt old, and promptly walked out.

So the happy news is that I realized later I bought it at Nordstrom's, and I can take it back. I WILL take it back. I have a three day weekend to do so, and another few weeks to remind Colleen why I don't wear eye shadow. It's not meant to be.

I ended up with no handbag (since I quickly dashed to my car to spit-wipe off my eyes), disco makeup and thank goodness, a Lush bath bomb for myself. I'll need it because I'm doing a devotional with four fabulous, humorous women. (Debby Mayne, Sandra Bricker, Diann Hunt and Trish Perry) and came home to see my overzealous self imitating Cyndi Lauper. The results weren't fantastic after the day I've had.And Elle accidentally broke my toe this week, so I don't know that I am going to be able to wear heels with my gown anyway. I definitely got up on the wrong side of the bed today. But I think God had a good laugh on my account today.