Girls Write Out
Friday, September 07, 2012

I was single once when I was a senior in high school, and in college, but then I married. It would have been great had I actually tried to make a wise choice, but no, I just wanted to get married. It seemed so vital. When I decided it was time to have babies, hubby screamed like a little girl and ran for the hills. I needed a man in my life, so I remarried quickly. I got my children, though they belonged to another woman. I loved those kids. Little did I know that they would always be all I had. I eventually ended up a single woman again, and this time I was determined to stay that way. I could get away with it if I didn't spend much money, if I continued to live in the apartment in Mom's garage after Daddy died, and  kept working my day job and writing at night. But along came Mel two years after my second husband screamed and ran like a little girl when I wanted to work on the marriage.

But you know what I discovered? Living single isn't for sissies. I knew a lot of other single women at that time, and many had to share apartments because they didn't make enough money to live alone. Those who did live alone--out of fear that common courtesy would not prevail and they would be labeled mean names--struggled to get by constantly. They still do. When one chooses to make it on her own, she's got a hard road. Often, women don't make the income men do, so they struggle financially more than most men. They can't do the hard work men often do to make more money.

So I'm proclaiming this Help a Single Woman Day. If you have a female friend who is single, take her out to lunch or give her a gift certificate for a mani-pedi or a new blouse or a good meal. Treasure these ladies who struggle to keep their heads above water much of their lives. Show them love and acceptance, and never let them feel like second class citizens, because they aren't. Being married doesn't make us better than single folk, it just means life is often easier financially and relationally for us. Count you blessings, and bless a single woman.

Hannah Alexander  
posted at 12:44 AM  
  Comments (15)
 
 
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15 Comments:
At 8:23 AM, Blogger Katers said...

I appreciate reading this, this morning. I was just talking with my mom yesterday about how I shouldn't feel ashamed that I'm single. Both of my siblings are married and complain about the woes of married life (mortgage, babies, husband/wife complaints, inlaws, meals, parties) and often my reply is tongue-in-cheek "Ya know, I don't mind (cough) becauseI'msingle!".. and I'm finally just accepting in my 30s that in a two-by-two society, it's ok to be single, to enjoy it, and to not worry about what's going to happen next (ha, I still feel I say that with a question mark).

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Diana said...

Thank you for writing this I have been single all of my life. I am okay with it, but sometimes i feel like I have missed out on something and it always seems like everything at church is about marriage and families But God has been good to me I have done things I may not been able to do if I were married. I got to live in Spain for a year a few years ago. One thing I always remember is a professor at Olivet, he said it is better to be single than wish you were! Have a good day. Diana

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger Beth said...

Thank you! These days it feels like no one knows what to do with me, so they don't do anything and I end up lonely.
Contenment is harder on some days than others.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger freddikb said...

Thank you for this post. I am a mid-20's woman still living at home. I do have my name in for an apartment that will become available in the spring and it also happens to be on my parents property. I am okay with that and it is nice to have some time to prepare, save up, and look forward to be on my own soon. It is hard being single, even if I am still "living with my parents". I don't mooch off of them, I help around, but I appreciate their help also. I used to be that girl that had it all planned out- finish school, find a nice guy, date and be married by such and such an age. Well, apparently that did not happen, and my early twenties were tough. All my friends were getting married, they were all paired off with someone, except for me. It was lonely, but time does help. It heals loneliness and maturity grows also. I still feel lonely at times, but not as often. I am becoming content with my life. I heard a saying the other day that made so much sense to me-"If you are not content being single, you will not be content being married". I would rather be single and content, than married and unhappy. And right now, I am happy being single and I am looking forward to what life has in store for me as a single girl.

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger Hannah Alexander said...

Katers, Diana and Beth, (and Doris. Hi Doris! You know who you are!) I'd love to give you girls a big hug and a house payment or something--if we could afford it. Many of my friends are single women who shoulder rent or mortgage by themselves. When I look at how much I spend on food, and how much some of my friends can spend, I wonder how they make it. But even if you were valedictorian of your class and finished college and landed a good job, you can't buy good friends, unless they're Shelties. We need human interaction to bloom. Take good care of yourselves. If a good man comes into your life, Yay! If a bad man comes into your life, kick him out before he does any damage. It's true that it's better to be single than to wish you were. I had experience with that.

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Hannah Alexander said...

Wow, Freddikb, we were writing at the same time. Hugs to you, and know that most married women (except for me now) would love to spend some time living on their own and becoming stronger as individuals. Reach out and find good friends. Lots of them, I think. I had a lot of friends and did a lot of things when I was single. I realized we all need our friends. Even those married women need girlfriends because if they try to turn their husbands into girlfriends, it doesn't always work out well. ;-)

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger Tonya said...

Thanks Hannah! Learning to accept my singleness has been on my mind lately. For a long time I thought girls get married, it's what we do & know that I'm in my mid-20s, it's not happening, & no guy is anywhere on the horizon it's makes me wonder "what's wrong with me" as if being married gives you move value than single. In my mind I know that's not true but my heart doesn't always get the message.
I've been working on stopping those thoughts and changing them because I've been through enough to know that even when you think you want something with all your being you can get it and see just how disillusioned your thinking was. I want to marry for love and because it's the right not to say I'm a Mrs.
I'm trying to learn the benefits or singleness and accept that so I won't make the wrong decisions when a guy comes along. I have to love myself first and be a whole person before I can be a part of a couple.
The funny thing is, it's so against the norm that it seems like a radical, foreign concept

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Diana said...

Hannah, you are so right about good friends. Diann Hunt and I have been friends for 45 years and I would not trade her friendship for anything, she is priceless!!

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Hannah Alexander said...

Tonya, there is nothing wrong with being single--and I don't care who says differently. The Bible says singleness leaves a person more open to serving Him. That's huge. God certainly doesn't think less of women who remain single.

Diana, I love Diann to pieces! She is such a spirit lifter. You are blessed with a good friend.

 
At 9:26 PM, Blogger ~sharyn said...

Hannah, I so appreciate your writing this! I am almost 50 and have yet to marry. It's a near-constant struggle, especially re: loneliness and finances.

Over the years, I've been laid-off twice. When that happens to a single woman, she doesn't have someone to fall back on. I've now been unemployed for over 2 1/2 years. By the grace of God and some freelance work, I've been able to keep my head above water. But I haven't been able to work on paying off school debts and I certainly haven't saved any money.

Though I know God is watching over me and I can lean on Him, I rarely feel safe or secure. I wish I could share your post on Facebook but fear it might come across as a bit self-serving.

Still, it's nice to know someone out there feels this way!

~Sharyn

 
At 10:27 PM, Blogger Hannah Alexander said...

Sharyn, I doubt you'd get any complaints if you forwarded on Facebook, and maybe some friends will see it and get the hint. There is so much age discrimination now that it's very hard for women looking for work right now, and then what do you do when you don't have anyone to fall back on?

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger Laura Jackson said...

I'm single, never married, and I enjoy it. I do have some married friends who give me the "pity the single girl" looks/comments, but my family has always told me not to settle for less than God's best. It's better to be single (and a little lonely) than married to the wrong person.

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger Hannah Alexander said...

Absolutely right, Laura. Even dating the wrong person is a waste of time. I know, because I wasted so much of my time trying to get along with the wrong ones. I never look at single women with pity. Though I love my husband very much, and enjoy life with him, there were a lot of years when I made myself miserable with those awful choices of my youth.

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger Patty said...

Thanks for this Hannah! I just discovered this blog and the first article I read was yours... as an almost 40 always single girl I appreciate it! I don't quite live paycheck to paycheck, but it's pretty close and I know I'm not saving for the future like I should. But I know I am much better off than many others

I'm fine with it most of the time, but I am glad to have my family nearby. Dad or my brother-in-law can be called upon if something at the house need worked on...

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger Hannah Alexander said...

Patty, you have my highest respect. You're an amazing woman.

 

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The Authors
Kristin Billerbeck
Kristin Billerbeck is a proud Californian, wife, mother of four, and connoisseur of the irrelevant. She writes Christian Chick Lit; where she finds need for most of the useless facts lulling about in her head.

www.KristinBillerbeck.com

Colleen Coble

Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.

www.ColleenCoble.com

Denise Hunter

Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.

www.DeniseHunterBooks.com

Diann Hunt

Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.

www.DiannHunt.com

Hannah Alexander

Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.

www.HannahAlexander.com

 
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