My Kids are Too Soft

This is eerie. I'm reading Chelsea Handler's "Are you there Vodka? It's Me Chelsea". Not for the faint of heart, but I could not resist the Judy Blume-inspired title. What's so weird is having just written my teen lit, "Perfectly Dateless", I am shocked at how similar Chelsea's story is to my character's! Except with a lot more swearing. I did just start it, so I'm sure it won't end the same.

Sunday, we ate on our back porch. We have kind of an outdoor room out there, with a retractable cover. My son Jonah is learning to BBQ, so he wanted to make it a big deal and have Mother's Day outside. Elle sets up the table (oh my kids are way motivated when it's something they want, much less so if it's something their father or I want -- I know, welcome to parenthood.)

Anyway, my son Trey comes out and looks at the chair and decides it's "dirty", and that there are bugs, so he's going back inside. Um, HELLO?? You're a 14 year old boy and this ain't the Ritz, get out here.

After reading Chelsea's book about her bad clothes and her father's embarrassing car, I got to thinking, these kids are so spoiled! They have Quiksilver shirts and Hurley pants. When I was in school, I worked at 13 to afford Dittos and Jordache jeans because if not, I was going in Grandma's homemade polyester miniskirts. With knobby colt legs and clodhopper shoes that "would last". Confession: When I saw "Confessions of a Shopoholic" and our heroine getting the brown shoes next to all the sparkly ones? I cried. And to make matters worse, my mother laughed out loud and goes, "Oh Kris, that was you!"

How is that funny? Bad shoes are never funny, people.

As Trey slipped into his "DC" shoes today, I decided there are going to be some changes around the Billerbeck household. Except Trey couldn't care less if he had DC shoes, that's a mommy thing. My kids wear mismatching clothes just to annoy me. So their toughness test is going to have to come in the form of Legos and video game time. At their age, I took the bus with my girlfriend about 20 miles to get to the mall and spend my paycheck. These kids get picked up from school. Welcome to the real world, kids.

Their dad was raised with everything paid for, and you know what? He has not a lot of coping skills when things go badly. He doesn't bounce back as easily. Failure and hard work helps you bounce back, and I don't want my kids bouncing back to my house, so Boot Camp starts today! Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Labels: Are you There God, Chelsea Handler, Confessions of a Shopoholic, It's Me Vodka