PORE MANNERS
Was I not, just the other week, waxing sentimental about the sweet, honest things children say? Well, I take it all back.
See, I have this pore on my face that’s slightly smaller than the Grand Canyon. (I know this because I was just there a few weeks ago.) It’s right at the edge of my nose and when I apply foundation, well, let’s just say the word spackle comes to mind.
Apparently, I was distracted while doing my makeup the other day because my middle child, who happens to be my most—um—honest one, cocks his head at me in the middle of the restaurant and says (quite loudly, thank you very much), “Mom, did you know you have a hole in your face?”
Only someone with great insecurities would know he was not referring to my mouth or nose. I narrow my eyes at him, a look I generally save for Kevin, but this child is getting old enough for Angry Woman look and apparently he needs lessons on what not to say.
“It’s not a hole. It’s a pore,” I say, silently wondering if it can qualify as a pore if it can be seen from across a table.
“No, it’s not.” His eyes are wide and innocent, and I’m thinking about now that innocence is neither sweet nor cute. “Pores are too small to see. That’s a big hole.”
Kevin covers his mouth, and I’m pretty sure his cough disguises a laugh. I'm trying to decide whether to change the subject or make this a learning moment. The mom in me takes over and I launch into a lecture about manors boring enough to make all three boys fall asleep in their plates of spaghetti. Mission accomplished.
If anyone has any pore shrinking tips, I’m all ears. Until then, I’ll just keep a putty knife handy.
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Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.
Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.
Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.
Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.
6 Comments:
ROFLOL!!! *Gasp* Just getting air back in these lungs after that one. Oh boy, do I sympathize! I have laughed, cried and turned three shades of red all at the same time over some of the things my kids have said. They have made me want to laugh, crawl under the table and scold them all at the same time. They are still at that innocent age where NOTHING is private, personal or maybe not the best dinner topic! But they sure keep you humble. LOL :-)
You've read the proverb "Pride cometh before a fall." Well my version goes something like this. "Believing I'm Super Mom and have it all together and wisdom to boot COMETH before my four-year-old opens his mouth." :-)
Hey, laughter is good for you. And what doesn't kill ya only makes ya stronger.....right?
Laughing,
Shauna
LOL, D! I feel your pain. I have pores big enough to swallow makeup brushes whole. I can use a whole bottle of foundation at one sitting. Sigh.
My kids are no longer home to point out my flaws, but now we have grandkids, so I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.
Thanks for my first laugh for the day. It was hearty.
Oh shoot, was that yours?
Four words will save you from this moment in time ever again, and all save your kid from knowing that his mom wants to strangle him...
BIORE PORE PERFECT LINE!
I can relate. I, too, have one on the side of my nose adn one in the middle of my forehead. I had to start wearing bangs again. Sheesh.
It's all because I used to snicker at my sister-in-law because she had one. It's not nice to fool mother nature. She gets back at you. :o(
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