Sometimes I think I’m cursed. Okay, not really, but it just seems like weird things always happen to me. Like the time (eight years ago) when I first got braces. I was a court reporter, and I had to swear in my first witness after said braces were attached to my teeth. It went something like this:
“In the testhtimony you’re about to give, do you stholemnly swear or affirm to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”
To which the witness answered: “Yesth, I do.”
I couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy to make fun of me. I mean, isn’t it bad enough that a forty-two-year-old woman is wearing braces? But when the attorney begins his questioning, I realize the man was not making fun of me. He had a speech impediment.
I was a court reporter for ten years, and that was the only time I came across a witness with a speech impediment. What were the chances?
Then there’s the time my foot got caught in a floor register at church and when I lifted my shoe, the whole register lifted out of the floor. Never mind that the entire church was waiting on me (I was filing in with the choir to be seated). What did I do? I stood there with my foot hiked, the register dangling from my heel and I laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. Just so you know, the congregation laughed with me, someone behind me pulled the register off my shoe and the service proceeded as usual--though the heel of my shoe was never the same.
I just have to know. Do weird things ever happen to you?