Girls Write Out
Monday, May 21, 2007

I hate gardening.

When spring first arrives, I’m all aglow with the idea of planting annuals to join the beautiful perennials in our courtyard. But when deadline looms and life gets in the way, I’m soon frantic with a trip to the garden store, fighting with Patty Procrastinator for the last sunflower that's lost all but one petal during our struggle.

Since I’m menopausal, I win the plant (Patty Procrastinator finally decides on silk—it’s just better for everyone involved) and I happily set out to do my work. Donning a straw hat, sunglasses, and so much tanning oil I’ll turn to bacon by day’s end, I trim back the perennials, hoe the hard dirt and toss the scraps (oh, my aching back). Amid dirt, sweat and the buzzing of bees, I finally drop to the ground and plant my pathetic little plant. But when it’s time to get up, it ain’t happening. Grunting doesn’t help. Heaving does nothing. Shrugging, pulling, prodding, shifting. Nothing works.

By the time my husband gets home and finds me, the weeds are squeezing through my fingers and ivy surrounds me like an English Tudor. My husband thinks I’m a talking lawn ornament. That’s his excuse for taking pictures, anyway.

Finally, he comes to my rescue. I think it has something to do with that, “Listen here, buster, you’ll fix your own dinner for the next three years” thing.

Let’s face it, my Martha Stewart days are over. Besides, flowers should bloom where they are planted. It goes against the laws of nature for me to do otherwise.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Diann Hunt  
posted at 3:00 AM  
  Comments (9)
 
 
Delicious Delicious
9 Comments:
At 8:24 AM, Blogger Colleen Coble said...

I am the world's worst gardener. I think it's because I'm always afraid I'm going to run into a spider1 LOL

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger Kristy Dykes said...

So. Did he take your pic? If so, post it! We wanna' see what you looked like! Happy gardening.

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Kristy, we use that picture in the garden to scare away the bees.

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger Two Sisters said...

How funny. I just blogged today about how much I Love gardening.

I'm lazy though. Yesterday I threw down several layers of newspaper right over the weeds in the flower beds and covered them with about four inches of mulch. My hope is the weeds will smother and be no more. I hate pulling weeds.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Oh my goodness, Two Sisters, that's an AWESOME idea!!! I'm digging out last month's papers! Thanks!!!

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger Julie Carobini said...

I can't help this but...Colleen's afraid of spiders? LOL Don't you write scary things about mean bears and serial killers? You're so funny.

And Diann, I'm with you. I think I'm going to finally hire a gardner :)

 
At 2:07 PM, Blogger Colleen Coble said...

I'm TERRIFIED of spiders, Julie! Just the thought of them makes me shiver!

I'd take on a killer any day rather than a spider. LOL

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Katy McKenna said...

I've had two "stuck in place" days recently--after walking 5 miles along the path of the marathon my daughter ran in Nashville, and then after moving my mother-in-law to a new place. OUCH.

Remind me. How old are we again? Nah, forget I asked. :0

Katy www.fallible.com

 
At 2:18 AM, Blogger Anna Marie said...

I'm starting to know you lady's so well now, that I know who's post it is before I see your names below. :)

I love to garden but it takes a lot of time. I start out really good and than it gets away from me with weed's . We had a lot of rain here,so now my plans are so big they and out of hand and could eat me now. :O

 

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The Authors
Kristin Billerbeck
Kristin Billerbeck is a proud Californian, wife, mother of four, and connoisseur of the irrelevant. She writes Christian Chick Lit; where she finds need for most of the useless facts lulling about in her head.

www.KristinBillerbeck.com

Colleen Coble

Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.

www.ColleenCoble.com

Denise Hunter

Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.

www.DeniseHunterBooks.com

Diann Hunt

Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.

www.DiannHunt.com

Hannah Alexander

Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.

www.HannahAlexander.com

 
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