Monday, May 21, 2007
I hate gardening.
When spring first arrives, I’m all aglow with the idea of planting annuals to join the beautiful perennials in our courtyard. But when deadline looms and life gets in the way, I’m soon frantic with a trip to the garden store, fighting with Patty Procrastinator for the last sunflower that's lost all but one petal during our struggle.
Since I’m menopausal, I win the plant (Patty Procrastinator finally decides on silk—it’s just better for everyone involved) and I happily set out to do my work. Donning a straw hat, sunglasses, and so much tanning oil I’ll turn to bacon by day’s end, I trim back the perennials, hoe the hard dirt and toss the scraps (oh, my aching back). Amid dirt, sweat and the buzzing of bees, I finally drop to the ground and plant my pathetic little plant. But when it’s time to get up, it ain’t happening. Grunting doesn’t help. Heaving does nothing. Shrugging, pulling, prodding, shifting. Nothing works.
By the time my husband gets home and finds me, the weeds are squeezing through my fingers and ivy surrounds me like an English Tudor. My husband thinks I’m a talking lawn ornament. That’s his excuse for taking pictures, anyway.
Finally, he comes to my rescue. I think it has something to do with that, “Listen here, buster, you’ll fix your own dinner for the next three years” thing.
Let’s face it, my Martha Stewart days are over. Besides, flowers should bloom where they are planted. It goes against the laws of nature for me to do otherwise.
When spring first arrives, I’m all aglow with the idea of planting annuals to join the beautiful perennials in our courtyard. But when deadline looms and life gets in the way, I’m soon frantic with a trip to the garden store, fighting with Patty Procrastinator for the last sunflower that's lost all but one petal during our struggle.
Since I’m menopausal, I win the plant (Patty Procrastinator finally decides on silk—it’s just better for everyone involved) and I happily set out to do my work. Donning a straw hat, sunglasses, and so much tanning oil I’ll turn to bacon by day’s end, I trim back the perennials, hoe the hard dirt and toss the scraps (oh, my aching back). Amid dirt, sweat and the buzzing of bees, I finally drop to the ground and plant my pathetic little plant. But when it’s time to get up, it ain’t happening. Grunting doesn’t help. Heaving does nothing. Shrugging, pulling, prodding, shifting. Nothing works.
By the time my husband gets home and finds me, the weeds are squeezing through my fingers and ivy surrounds me like an English Tudor. My husband thinks I’m a talking lawn ornament. That’s his excuse for taking pictures, anyway.
Finally, he comes to my rescue. I think it has something to do with that, “Listen here, buster, you’ll fix your own dinner for the next three years” thing.
Let’s face it, my Martha Stewart days are over. Besides, flowers should bloom where they are planted. It goes against the laws of nature for me to do otherwise.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
9 Comments:
I am the world's worst gardener. I think it's because I'm always afraid I'm going to run into a spider1 LOL
So. Did he take your pic? If so, post it! We wanna' see what you looked like! Happy gardening.
Kristy, we use that picture in the garden to scare away the bees.
How funny. I just blogged today about how much I Love gardening.
I'm lazy though. Yesterday I threw down several layers of newspaper right over the weeds in the flower beds and covered them with about four inches of mulch. My hope is the weeds will smother and be no more. I hate pulling weeds.
Oh my goodness, Two Sisters, that's an AWESOME idea!!! I'm digging out last month's papers! Thanks!!!
I can't help this but...Colleen's afraid of spiders? LOL Don't you write scary things about mean bears and serial killers? You're so funny.
And Diann, I'm with you. I think I'm going to finally hire a gardner :)
I'm TERRIFIED of spiders, Julie! Just the thought of them makes me shiver!
I'd take on a killer any day rather than a spider. LOL
I've had two "stuck in place" days recently--after walking 5 miles along the path of the marathon my daughter ran in Nashville, and then after moving my mother-in-law to a new place. OUCH.
Remind me. How old are we again? Nah, forget I asked. :0
Katy www.fallible.com
I'm starting to know you lady's so well now, that I know who's post it is before I see your names below. :)
I love to garden but it takes a lot of time. I start out really good and than it gets away from me with weed's . We had a lot of rain here,so now my plans are so big they and out of hand and could eat me now. :O
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