A New Perspective

My book, "Walking on Water" was supposed to be out this Fall. But I was so mentally-overloaded, that edits did not penetrate my overtaxed brain. The pacing was off, the characterization was off -- just about everything that together makes something a book, was off. But I could not see it. I tried to work it out, with so many cooks in the kitchen that we blew it up into a real, hot mess. What it needed was time. It simply wasn't done yet, and I wasn't in a place to write it, but I had to write it -- I needed to get paid, I needed to keep on top of my kids' schedule, I needed to get dinner on the table at 8 pm due to my husband's late hours. I needed, I needed.

I don't know if you've tried to speed God up, but His view of time is SLOW. You can be politically-correct and say different than mine, but my God is a big God, and I say He is SLOW!!

I took time out to write a young adult novel, which was contracted after "Walking on Water" but I needed the break. I needed to be dorky and fun, and get back to remembering why I'm a writer. Looking at a 90k abject failure, I wasn't able to do that or to see that it could be put back to rights again. The skies are clear again. God has reminded me lovingly, why I wrote this book. Not in anger or depression, which honestly is what the book sounded like -- because I was just so stinkin' overtaxed.

So everything I worried about happened. I didn't get paid. My husband lost his job. We're selling our house. The book didn't come out this year. And you know what? It's fine. I'm at complete peace. I'm enjoying writing again, glad for the time I had here in my house -- glad, even though I'll lose money that I made this place a beautiful place to be. There's pride in that, even if there won't be a financial reward. I redid EVERYTHING!

I'm not just in denial either. I'm totally in God's will, and that's a good thing. Colleen's reading the first chapter for me, so hopefully, it's working. But wow, living without balance just shuts this baby down! Since I won't say no, my body says it for me. Funny how God works things that way. He'll get you to listen, one way or the other. I had a pedicure this morning, and I feel human again. What is it about red toes that makes me feel alive?

So now, I feel like I am WALKING ON WATER. : )

Labels: edits, failure, rejection, writing