A New Perspective
My book, "Walking on Water" was supposed to be out this Fall. But I was so mentally-overloaded, that edits did not penetrate my overtaxed brain. The pacing was off, the characterization was off -- just about everything that together makes something a book, was off. But I could not see it. I tried to work it out, with so many cooks in the kitchen that we blew it up into a real, hot mess. What it needed was time. It simply wasn't done yet, and I wasn't in a place to write it, but I had to write it -- I needed to get paid, I needed to keep on top of my kids' schedule, I needed to get dinner on the table at 8 pm due to my husband's late hours. I needed, I needed.
I don't know if you've tried to speed God up, but His view of time is SLOW. You can be politically-correct and say different than mine, but my God is a big God, and I say He is SLOW!!
I took time out to write a young adult novel, which was contracted after "Walking on Water" but I needed the break. I needed to be dorky and fun, and get back to remembering why I'm a writer. Looking at a 90k abject failure, I wasn't able to do that or to see that it could be put back to rights again. The skies are clear again. God has reminded me lovingly, why I wrote this book. Not in anger or depression, which honestly is what the book sounded like -- because I was just so stinkin' overtaxed.
So everything I worried about happened. I didn't get paid. My husband lost his job. We're selling our house. The book didn't come out this year. And you know what? It's fine. I'm at complete peace. I'm enjoying writing again, glad for the time I had here in my house -- glad, even though I'll lose money that I made this place a beautiful place to be. There's pride in that, even if there won't be a financial reward. I redid EVERYTHING!
I'm not just in denial either. I'm totally in God's will, and that's a good thing. Colleen's reading the first chapter for me, so hopefully, it's working. But wow, living without balance just shuts this baby down! Since I won't say no, my body says it for me. Funny how God works things that way. He'll get you to listen, one way or the other. I had a pedicure this morning, and I feel human again. What is it about red toes that makes me feel alive?
So now, I feel like I am WALKING ON WATER. : )
Labels: edits, failure, rejection, writing
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17 Comments:
Good for you! God's way and in God's timing: walking on water (though it can't be done, they say)...with your eyes on Him, not on the waves! :) Yay! Praying for you guys!
Red toes do make us feel better :).
Kristin, you are so transparent when you write, which makes me think that even when you're going through rough waters, you have lessons to share, even if you haven't discovered the point yet.
Praying all things work together for good for you, your writing and your life and health. Thanks for sharing so much.
Kristin, I agree with Crystal--your transparency is what will allow you to enter genuinely into other's people's lives and reveal Jesus to them or walk with them with Jesus in your midst.
I am reminded once again of the story of Hagar...that God sees us. God sees you. You aren't forgotten.
I am also reminded of a phrase a friend used about her cancer, describing it as a "harsh mercy." Sometimes that just what things are, but because they place us right at God's throne and we see Him there, it is exactly what they are.
Oh Harsh mercy. I love that. I'm very familiar with that, though I've never heard the term. As long as I can get a pedicure here and again, life doesn't seem too harsh. : )
When we are in the middle of the storm it is sometimes so hard to see where God is leading, but we just have to hang on tight and know that He is always in control and He alone knows the outcome.
You have child-like faith and it will get you through.
I am so sorry this is happening, especially the loss of your home. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
I'm sorry for the hard times you've had, but I'm glad you have this perspective. I'm selfishly sorry for me that I have to wait for the book!
Amy, that's so sweet, thank you. T hat will encourage me to get off my duff.
I love that you are brave enough to write that God's time is S-L-O-W! It sure seems that way, sometimes, to me. I mean, look what He could get done in a day, in Creation, but yet in times of growth and healing, He sure lollygags around! (Maybe, with me, it's because I'm a slow learner?)
AND red toes do make me feel better, too. My favorite red, right now, is OPI's "I'm Not Really A Waitress"! Don't you love it? I'm a stay at home mom, and when I look down at my toes and think about that name, it makes me laugh! Like I have a secret identity, under all this frazzled frump....
It IS great, K! So good to read your voice!
And you'll get through this. You're strong and you've got God. :-)
Ohhh, I got red toes yesterday too! They DO have a way of putting a smile on one's face, don't they! The little massaging chair and the foot rub don't hurt either! Yeah for pedicures!
I L.O.V.E. your attitude about all that. What a great perspective!
I think I'm going to be dorky again too. I liked YA, and I might do some more. I need to work with my boys and do a boys' one. They sure love their books. But they need adventure and dying. LOL
I hear you. We followed God in a situation and it has created a lot of chaos and misunderstanding for us, but I KNOW I'm doing what God has called me to do, and despite the apparent mess, It Is Working...and I'm SO much better for it.
To the outside world, it isn't ideal...but God rarely calls us to do what makes sense to us. Kristen, you inspire me. And I love you and will keep you in my prayers.
I get the whole body shutting down thing as well...I've been in bed for two days due to hitting my physical wall...and it's weird, yet okay...
Your words were a balm to my soul. I am in much the same place - despite the author scenario; that's still in the works at this point. Thank you for your transparency, your honesty. You just don't know how much I needed to hear those words.
God bless you and your family Kristin!
What a great post, K! You are a blessing, friend!
Kristin, I'm a lurker and a fan, but just wanted you to know I'm praying for you and your family. What a great post; His mercy can be severe at times yet He is always good. Offer up those sacrifices of praise, at times they truly are a sacrifice, a sweet-smelling aroma to Him. What a privilege that we serve a holy, yet approachable God (of the Universe) Who is acquainted with our sufferings. Praise Him these light momentary afflictions are producing for us an everlasting weight of glory, far beyond any comparison! 2 Corin. 4:17, Sister! ~Kristin G.
Kristin, I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. I truly do feel uplifted right now, it's only God's peace, i'll tell you. Kristin
Kristin,
I love your vulnerability. That authors of your caliber go through this stuff is actually encouraging for those of us just starting out. Seeing the grace with which you're handling it is inspiring.
Praying for you!
Thanks for being real.
I love this blog and wish I had time to visit it more often.
Hugs
Cheryl
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