Girls Write Out
Thursday, January 05, 2006

My house goes on the market today. My dream European cottage is going to be but a memory someday (hopefully soon). All because I can't commune with nature. No, not even a little bit. I tried enjoying the wild turkeys, the cute little fawns frolicking, the jackrabbits with their ears plopping through the grass.

But I got nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I got more excited about the Bloomingdale's email that Lilly Pulitzer is making denim now. Maybe it's because I'm Italian and I appreciate the simple things in life. I grew up on tacky. I was raised around plastic-covered sofas and rubber fruit cascading over thick glass bowls. People think Buca di Beppo is kitsch or that, "Moonstruck" is just a movie, but I'm here to tell you, plastic fruit magnets on the fridge are real. Eggs, fried in holey toast, is legitimate. Italians really do yell everything, and ornate Vatican style lives on in millions of homes.

Every year, my Nana had a calendar of naked fat women over 300 pounds. She thought it was hysterical and hung it on her fridge as diet encouragement. My great uncles had dirty magazines piled up, like side tables, in their living rooms.

So I know what it's like to be a square peg in a round hole. I don't think naked fat ladies are all that funny, actually. I don't think that porn as furniture is good design fare, and sadly, I don't think living the quiet life is any better than these things.

Like most good Italians, I want to eat, drink and be merry. Because Italians know the sweet life. Espresso and Tiramisu are from my people, and I probably owe a good bit of my sense of humor to my Italian heritage. Cleaning up spaghetti "gravy" on a Viking stove is a pain, anyway. I have no class. Why pretend? Mangia porco maiale.

(My papa's transation of eat, drink and be merry: Eat like a pig.) Can I get an amen?
Kristin Billerbeck  
posted at 9:55 PM  
  Comments (9)
 
 
Delicious Delicious
9 Comments:
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Robin Caroll said...

Oh, AMEN Kristin! LOL.....I think we might have been neighbors, at least in the "style"! LOL It's funny how when you get older, you look around your surroundings and think, What I REALLY want is....

Best wishes on selling your house! Keep us updated on the drama of it all! :)

 
At 9:10 AM, Anonymous Bethanie said...

AMEN!
i went book-shopping tonight, then went grocery shopping and bought a PILE of junky piggish food since i was hungry. then came home and ate cold kfc chicken.. ugh!

i really feel like a pig now!
(but i bought books so that will keep me happy for a few days)

 
At 11:40 AM, Anonymous julie said...

Kristin, My husband was taught that 'mangia, mangia' meant 'shut up and eat!' Hence, our kids believe that too :-)

And just so you know, we left a beautiful home on a nice wedge of property for a tiny place...just so mama (that would be me) could live near the beach.
'nuff said!

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger :-)Ronie said...

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!! Hilarious. I'm praying for your home to sell and QUICK!

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger Ron Estrada said...

Amen on the eating part. As for the close neighbors, I'm pretty sick of 'em by the time they've celebrated the 4th of July well into October. Actually, I got deer and a mall with ten minutes. It keeps all members of the household happy.

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger Kristin Billerbeck said...

Yes, everything in Italian has a rude connotation to it in some way. Mangia! Does mean shut up and eat, and really porco maiale means obnoxious pig. The only Italian I ever learned has this kind of connotation. The "kabosh" which is an upside slap to the back of the head is a family favorite.

This is my extended family. My mother is German, but you know in Moonstruck when the character says he loves her, and she slaps him and says, "Well, snap out of it!" THis is why I write chick lit. In my family, we say everything. IT's not for the faint of heart. No one can eat with my dad and I because we will SCREAM politics and then go, "Do you want some dessert?" While the rest of the family (my mother, husband, etc.) are in pain. We've learned to shut up for the most part.

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger JesFreak15 said...

I recently stumbled across your website and read about your new book "she's all that". It sounded interesting, so I went out and bought it from borders. I just finished it and thought I'd come here to leave you a comment to tell you that I loved it and can't wait for the next book to come out.

Michelle

 
At 11:22 PM, Blogger Kristin Billerbeck said...

Michelle, thank you. I read your comment like, uh oh, she's going to hate it, and it's going to be public. LOL Of course, so is my dysfunctional childhood, so what can I say? Thanks though, that was sweet of you to say. kristin

 
At 5:34 PM, Anonymous Rachel said...

I have just finished the second Ashley Stockingdale novel and I adore these books. Let me first say that I felt like you tapped into my brain because so many things in that book run true for me!! I can't wait to read #3. I also wanted to see how to get in touch with you. I have been praying for some time about writing a book and have actually started--and by started I mean jumped feet first into this and am not sure what I am doing. I just wanted to chit chat a bit about it and the future of it if I ever finish.

Again, thanks for the Ashley Novels!! Love them!!

--Rachel

 

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The Authors
Kristin Billerbeck
Kristin Billerbeck is a proud Californian, wife, mother of four, and connoisseur of the irrelevant. She writes Christian Chick Lit; where she finds need for most of the useless facts lulling about in her head.

www.KristinBillerbeck.com

Colleen Coble

Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.

www.ColleenCoble.com

Denise Hunter

Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.

www.DeniseHunterBooks.com

Diann Hunt

Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.

www.DiannHunt.com

Hannah Alexander

Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.

www.HannahAlexander.com

 
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