Lombard Street, San Francisco -- the closest I'll get to society!
The other night I watched the new Bravo show, "The Housewives of New York City". I cannot identify at all, I have to say. I can identify with the California girls from the OC, probably more than I'd like to admit, but the NYers and their version of "busy" really gets to me.
I mean the OC girls don't try to pretend their spa treatments and botox shots aren't for vanity. But with NY, they take out their "invitations" of all their important events coming up: things like gallery openings, fashion shows, political fundraisers and the gal proudly states, "In NY society, you buy your way in."
Now, I'm sorry, but that is really sad to me. I don't want friends I have to buy quite frankly. Sure, we live around people we're comfortable with, but to take pride in the fact that you can run with this group, how sad!
I used to live near Los Altos Hills, and it felt like this there. You joined the same country clubs, you drove the same cars, your kids tried to get into the right schools, etc. In the interest of disclosure, I'm not a joiner and I never fit in -- though I will say I did get into the ten year anniversary behemoth diamond thing. That was a competition I could sink my teeth into, though I never wear the ring now. It feels obvious. But not being a joiner, I like rag tag friends who don't seem to fit into a set group.
Anyway, all these women from NYC talked like we in the rest of the world totally envy them, and all I could think was how sad and isolated their life seemed. My aunt married into San Francisco society, and it was much like this and maybe that's where I got my aversion to being nice to the "right" people. It also might have come from working for the ultimate social climber at the Fairmont. Who knows??
Lady Catherine de Bourgh is alive and well. Kill the beast! : ) But please, do not feed it! They will never be satiated. Know anyone like this?
Kristin Billerbeck
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7 Comments:
i would never fit in those society's (i cant even spell it right!) im a country girl who has never had a manicure, pedicure and the only facials are when friends did there makeup parties selling the stuff and needed a guinea pig.
(except mary Kay i was so alergic to that stuff just the cleanser had my skin look like it had been burnt)
Oh i have had a neck massage for 3 mins. never been to a spa so i think i would fail bad.
It is sad people think they have to buy friends they will never be truely happy if they have to keep doing that.
I think they just stay busy so they don't have to face that they're not all that happy. As long as they're striving for the next thing, that's something to work toward. I think the older I get, the more I realize it's when you can sit still with yourself and God that you find happiness. KB
I got into mini peels last year. Haven't had one lately but oh, my, they're nice! But it's not because I attend a lot of fancy galas--or care to--it's because I spend too much time at the beach. LOL
p.s. I don't want friendships that are a front for competition. Know what I mean?
I got up the courage for my second manicure today. The first one was three weeks ago. She made me bleed and I was afraid my fingers — or at least fingernails — would rot off and die. But they looked so pretty, so I had to try again.
Next stop, pedicure, but not until the podiatrist is finished with me.
As far as the committee work and such, the sad thing is that I've seen the same thing in churches. I went to a huge church in Tennessee, and it seemed folks — OK, women especially — would compete and compare when it came to what committees they served on, which ministries they were involved with, what classes they took or taught, etc. If it's done from love, great. If it's done for "Look at me" and "I'm better than you," God's not going to bless that.
Funny thing is, most of those women were more than willing to serve on decorating committees, welcoming committees and guiding those in need through the Christmas "store," but they were mysteriously absent during shut-in visitations and we struggled constantly to fill all the slots in the 24-hour prayer room, where all prayer requests are confidential and prayergrams were to be signed anonymously.
I see the society aspect more with my sister. Her husband's a big-time CPA in a mid-sized town, which somehow got her stuck in the town's "Service Guild," which is basically Junior League. She's an RN at an eye surgery center and mother to an active 15-year-old she has to run all over town. Most of the Guild's members don't work outside the home, yet my sister ended up chairing both major fundraisers this year. Her biggest peeve was that women would stand around and gossip for two hours then expect her to sign papers attesting that they put in their service time.
Sorry. This is one of my rants. One more and I'll let it go. Does anyone else live in a town with an "Impact 100" club? I used to, and while it's a great way to raise funds, it strikes me as very elitest. The goal is to get 100 women to donate $1,000 each, then they solicit grant applications and choose who gets the money. So, if you don't have $1,000 to donate in one fell swoop, they don't want you? They're also publicity hounds, listing every member in the paper, etc. Widow's mite, anyone?
I was terrified the money would go to the symphony orchestra, which made the finals, but the money did go to an agency to help children in need. I'm not sure what they've done in the years since I moved.
Surely there's a way to help people that doesn't make those of us who could donate only $100 or less at a time feel unworthy.
If you have to buy your friends, what happens in a recession?
Chelf, my guess is that they go away. You really should be recession-proof or you are not worthy. LOL
Kristin - it's funny you posted about this today, because I received the below today, as well. A coworker sends out emails every day called "Grace for the Day." They're little snippets that make you think twice as you read them. The one today addresses exactly what you write about. Oh, and I watched the premier, too, and was completely blown away. Isn't it funny how Ramona's daughter was so embarrassed by how she was acting?? Ramona should listen to her kid!
Grace for the Day:
The Key Ingredient of Greatness
Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.
1 Corinthians 10:12 KJV
The truly great are not impressed with themselves. They don't sit around thinking about their "standing." They are in touch with their humanity and aware of how temporary life really is.
When I think of greatness, one man who always comes to mind is Billy Graham. I once saw an interview where he was posed the question, "When you get to heaven, is there any major question you would like to ask God?"
He quickly replied, "Yes I want to ask the Lord why he chose me."
The truly great are very confident, but their attitude is not so much self-confident as it is God-confidence. It is the expectancy and hope that springs from knowing that whose we are is more important than who we are.
What is the key ingredient to greatness? What do great men and women strive for? They don't work for greatness. No, they humble themselves in obedience, and in doing so, find greatness. Their example is the greatest man who ever lived, one who did not aim for prestige but "made himself nothing" (Philippians 2:7). Then God exalted him from "nothing" to the peak of greatness.
Lord Jesus, save me from the trap of pride and the deceitfulness of self-promotion.
Without you I can do nothing, but with you I can do all things.
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