Girls Write Out
Wednesday, December 03, 2008

I'll be the first to say I'm not a Martha Stewart, okay? Now, don't get me wrong. I like a clean house--but the only sparkle we have around here comes in the form of fancy apple juice.

So it would most likely come as no surprise when I confess to you that I don't do windows. All right, maybe I've washed them a time or two in the last, oh, I don't know, nine or ten years. (Please don't tell my mom.)

The couple of times I tried to be Susie Homemaker, I kid you not, it rained ten minutes later, and those windows looked EXACTLY the same as before I washed them. Now, I don't know what that says to you, but to me it was a sign. I don't need neon lights flashing DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WASHING WINDOWS, to recognize a no-brainer when I see one.

Things changed, recently, however, when we bought new windows from Windows, Doors & More (waving at Denise and her husband). They are absolutely gorgeous! And imagine my surprise when I looked out our window and spotted a house next to ours! We have neighbors! Who knew?

One downfall, though--and I will carry this with me to my grave--clean windows aren't always a welcome change to some. You see, as I was cleaning the kitchen table, I looked up just as a black bird smacked against our windowpane and slid south. Let me tell you, the look he gave me . . . well, I'm just glad I couldn't hear him. The beady eyes and twist of his beak told me he was using fowl language.

So there you have it. Somewhere in our neighborhood a black bird flies with less confidence, a cracked wing, and a twisted beak. it's just something I have to live with.  Every.  Day.

I could use some encouragement.

Diann Hunt  
posted at 10:05 PM  
  Comments (22)
 
 
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22 Comments:
At 11:30 PM, Blogger Crystal Laine Miller said...

ROTFL!!!

Ok, I admit it, too. I don't do windows, either. I live in a woods and I just care too much for the birds, though the robins don't seem to notice and bang into them, anyway. Fowl creatures.

I quit putting a wreath on my door because the birds get into them and when you open the door, they fly in. Then, they would be flying into sparkling windows, and oh, the humanity!

 
At 11:31 PM, Blogger Pam S. said...

LOL! You are SO FUNNY! :) That's why I love reading your books!

You can count your blessings that you live in Indiana and not in Istanbul, Turkey. Sezen-homemaker here washes her windows EVERY WEEK. I can't keep up to the standard. Besides, I live on the third floor and am afraid of heights. (My neighbors get out on the little window ledge and wash their windows.) I cheat and get help from a housecleaning lady. It's probably scandalous to my neighbors, but I only have mine cleaned 1-2x a month.

Yep, you can count your blessings that your neighbors have no expectations of you re: clean windows--and I'll bet you didn't even know this was one of your blessings!

Congrats on the new windows...and tell that black bird that I hope he feels better soon. :)

 
At 12:36 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

OMGsh, that is exactly me, Di!!! I cannot clean to save my life. I have to have it done, or I'll waste an entire morning and it will look no better than when I started. And the windows! You can still see where I tried to wash them about six months ago. What is that???

How do we have the eyes to notice, but not the hands to clean it? And you know, the maid can come over here without even a mop and put a rag on the end of the broom, this place looks better than if I spent two hours mopping!!

 
At 8:16 AM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Oh my goodness, the wreaths, the birds, Crystal! How scary is that? Did you ever see Alfred Hitchcock's movie, "The Birds"? Not so scary now, but when I saw it as a kid on the big screen, well, it changed my life forever, that's all.

Okay, Pam, I could so not live in Turkey. What is the matter with those people?!! Washing windows EVERY week?!! They need therapy, no doubt about it. Obviously, the bird population is way down over there.

Me, too, Kristin! I had smears on my old windows that dated back to the birth of our youngest.

 
At 9:01 AM, Anonymous Cathy S. said...

I join you in boycotting washing windows.

Let's see, if I count up how long we've lived in this house and the number of times I've washed the windows... Let's just say if George W. Bush had visited any time during his bid for presidency (the first time!) and his subsequent two terms in office, he would never have seen clean windows.

I have two words to ease the pressure for those of us inside with dirty windows: mini blinds.

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

Pam, apparently Turkey doesn't have enough spas.

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger Deena said...

Di, look at it this way...think of the stories that old bird will have to tell:

"Papa, what happened to your beak?"

"Well, son...it was a day much like any other day, 'cept I saw this pretty woman and wanted to get a better look. I flew in closer, then WHAM! God got my attention right quick-like, and sent me home to your mama for some TLC...and that there's how you came to be!"

LOL!!

 
At 2:38 PM, Blogger Michelle V said...

LOL! Too funny! I don't clean either because I'd have to tear myself away from a book! :)

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Thanks for feeling my pain, Cathy. *g*

Deena, you're just like me--my kids tease me because I'm always "talking" for animals. I can't help it. When I see those cows and horses in the fields staring at a blade of grass, I just know they're thinking SOMETHING!

Michelle, so true!! We don't have time for windows when there are novels to be read! Thanks for another excuse I can throw out to my husband. *g*

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

You're supposed to clean windows? Well, here I've been married three and a half years and I didn't know that. :) Isn't that what the rain is for??

Besides, I never look out my windows anyway. We live "in town" and after growing up in the country, I'm just not comfortable with people outside my window. I'm too afraid they might look in, so the mini-blinds are pretty much always down. But maybe all that dirt on the windows is a good thing. If I just let it continue to build up for the next dozen years or so, it should make my windows so dingy that people won't be able to see inside. Natural camouflage! And so much better for the environment. You never know what's in those cleaning products... :)

 
At 10:10 PM, Blogger Mari said...

Clean windows? Huh? What's that?

On the bird thing...he will survive. Just stop cleaning the windows. teehee

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger Andrea said...

Funny this should be your topic. We are in the middle of getting all new windows. We commented to the installer that we thought these looked like they had more glass area to see out of. He said we actually lost glass space. I spoke up and said it must be because they are CLEAN! He said that certainly could be it.The old ones were double paned and you couldn't get between them to clean them. So they were always dirty. I live in the country surrounded by Amish farmers. There is really no point with all the dirt that flies.

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger Suzanne said...

I've got windows I tried to clean when we moved into this house three months ago. They must not have been cleaned for years because I can't get the stuff off of them! No fear of anything flying into those windows.

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger hotcoffeenow said...

I'm envious of your new clean windows. Mine are old double-paned impossible to clean and even when I do figure out how to get them clean, they're only clean for a day and then it rains and they're all dirty and spotty again. Now I just close the shades/curtains so I can't see the dirt. It's so gray and cloudy here in Michigan that there's no natural light that could come in anyway, lol.

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger hotcoffeenow said...

BTW, the birds here are stupid - I routinely find dead ones on the ground underneath the windows where they've flown into them at high speed and met their match. Even the dirty ones. Scares me to death when I hear the bang - one of these days one will go right thru the glass, I'm sure of it. Then I can buy a new clean window, lol.

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger Kay Day said...

I don't clean windows, (or much of anything else), either.

My computer faces a large window and one day when there were a bunch of starlings or something out there, BANG! I looked up just in time to see the bird flying off all gimpy like a cartoon or something. There is still a feather stuck to my window.
If that happened with my windows in this state, I hate to think of the carnage if I actually washed them. I consider that feather to be a warning sign.

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

Clearly, our hot coffee lover is not a PETA member. LOL

Birds are stupid. They fly into mine all the time, and then they lay on the porch until the bobcat comes. YUCK, it's like Wild Kingdom outside my office.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger Ane Mulligan said...

Okay, I just spit coffee on my laptop screen! I can see the heeadlines now ...

Diann the Bird Maimer.

Are you asking for confessions? Okay - I don't do windows either. New or old. If windows were meant to be washed, they'd come with little squeegees built in.

Clean houses are very overrated. Besides, dust bunnies were an endangered species. I'm doing my part - are you?

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger Diann Hunt said...

Okay, I love all the comments! Thank you for letting me know that I'm not the only woman on the planet who doesn't do windows. I'm feeling better about that whole bird thing, too. *g*

You all are the BEST!

 
At 11:01 PM, Blogger Brennan said...

Oh my goodness all I have to say for that bird is OUCH! I guess it could have been worse.

My house will never see clean windows. I'm not so sure I will even have a clean house anytime soon. It seems that by the time I get one room cleaned and let me tell you it takes me a day to do that. The next day I move on to another room and the room from the day before is destroyed.

God blessed me with 5 children I just wish he could have blessed me with a maid and a nanny. LOL.

Love your blog Diann.

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger Tracey Bateman said...

My windows are dirty and the birds still thud against them. Must be inbred Missouri birds

 
At 12:40 AM, Blogger Chelf said...

At least you kept your humor about you!

I don't do windows, either. We rent our home, and the windows are older than me. They should have been sealed (and probably were when they were original to the house in 1952), but now there are little spider webs between the double panes.

The birds at my house are trying to get in, I think. They come at an angle, chasing one another, and miss the mailbox, but hit the screen door or the front picture window. You'd think the cat in the window would be a deterrent... but I guess not.

I have more issue with "hair-midity" in my house. (My hubby's coined phrase, meaning the concentration of cat hair in the air and on every thing in our house at any given time.) Sweep, mop, and sit down to rest... and there is another little floaty bit of cat hair. Ugh.

I have an old Frank and Ernest cartoon on my fridge (to answer Ane's question, yes, I do my part!): "I'm environmentally friendly -- I don't mop it, sweep it, dust it or wax it."

 

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The Authors
Kristin Billerbeck
Kristin Billerbeck is a proud Californian, wife, mother of four, and connoisseur of the irrelevant. She writes Christian Chick Lit; where she finds need for most of the useless facts lulling about in her head.

www.KristinBillerbeck.com

Colleen Coble

Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.

www.ColleenCoble.com

Denise Hunter

Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.

www.DeniseHunterBooks.com

Diann Hunt

Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.

www.DiannHunt.com

Hannah Alexander

Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.

www.HannahAlexander.com

 
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