Girls Write Out

Sunday, October 16, 2011

When I first married, I found the grocery store crowd to be a world of its own. First of all, there were all these young, frazzled moms with toddlers pointing, begging, trantrumming. (Not a word, but it should be, right?)

Then there were the soccer moms with their lists and calculators, breaking up arguments between their coupon flipping.

You could tell the moms who left the kiddos home with hubby. They shopped S-L-O-W. And why not? This was their me-time. So it happened over cleaning products in aisle 11. You take what you can get. I understand this now.

The strangest to me, though, were the other ones. The older women who talked to themselves. When I encountered my first one, I thought she was talking to me. But when I answered, she turned with wide eyes. Oh, I thought. I guess she's just putting that question put out to the universe.

I was in the salad dressing aisle, searching for the pre-cooked bacon (because spaghetti carbonara is time-consuming enough without frying the bacon) when it happened to me. "Where is it, oh, please don't be out of it." The full sentence is out before I realize. I suck in my breath. I have become one of them. This can't be! I haven't even finished the soccer mom phase. "See? Here are my coupons!"

A young woman walks by. We make eye contact, and before she looks away, I see that look. The one that says,"Make a wide right. Crazy woman ahead."

"No," I want to say to her. "I'm not crazy! You'll be like me too, one day. You'll see."

I find the bacon pieces and toss the package in my cart. It's official. I have hit all the phases of the grocery life and landed, prematurely but inevitably, in the delusional, talking-to-self phase. The only thing to look forward to now is the motorized cart.

Labels: shopping

Denise Hunter
posted at 9:40 PM
Comments (13)

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13 Comments:

At 10:07 PM, Peggy Blann Phifer said...: Denise, that is too funny! I'm one of those talk-to-myself shoppers, too. And I've carried on entire conversations while cruising the aisles. And I don't care who stares! LOL

But don't be so hard on yourself. I seem to recall this aberration didn't manifest itself until I started taking my writing seriously. Because I talk to myself here at the computer All. The. Time.

Think about it :-)
At 6:43 AM, Timothy Fish said...: Okay, so may you were really talking to yourself, but I encounter people who say things that are clearly intended for anyone who happens to be standing close by. I wish more people were that way. We are social creatures. The irony is that we live our whole lives wanting people to talk to us, but we don't talk to strangers because we're afraid they don't want someone to talk to them.
At 8:37 AM, Tracy Ruckman said...: Does that qualify as talking to yourself? I would think you were talking to someone - well, something - the salad aisle. I don't see a problem unless you thought the salad aisle was talking back to you. ;-)
At 9:56 AM, Denise Hunter said...: So true, Peggy! Oh, the conversations that go on in my head. I'd be certified if anyone knew. :)

We are social creatures. Even we work-alone writers.

I'm pretty sure the bacon wasn't talking back. Not yet, anyway. Maybe that happens later.
At 10:18 AM, Sandie said...: I'm not sure if it was worse trying to shop with my young children or now with my husband. LOL He tends to think I don't really need the items on my list. The kids would try to add items to it. So I am always talking to SOMEONE during my trip. LOL (Yes, sometimes it is myself.)
At 1:24 PM, Katy McKenna said...: Oh, DeNISE!!!! I just came from Target, where I caught myself at least 5 different times talking out loud! Now, I AM almost 58, so I guess that explains it, but YIKES! :)
At 1:46 PM, Denise Hunter said...: Sandie, when my hubby goes grocery shopping, it's junk food palooza around here.

LOL Katy!
At 7:37 PM, Anonymous said...: LOL! wow, i never thought of it that way. i'm not married nor do i have kids (only nieces and nephews, not old enough to play soccer quite yet), but out of all of us five sisters i'm the only one that tends to talk to herself a lot. seriously. i have a whole conversation with myself and they usually take place in public. you should see the people's faces! lol! they probably think i have imaginary friend. i've been tempted to pretend like i have one just for fun. lol!
At 9:02 AM, Pam Sanderlin said...: Funny post, Denise. :]

I often talk to myself in public. Out loud. It's a relief to know I'm not alone. I suppose if someone catches me, I could always put a hand to my ear and pretend I have a Blue Tooth and I'm talking to you, Denise or Peggy or Katy. "Could you repeat that? I didn't catch that." JK. (I'm actually mortified if people overhear me, afraid they think I'm crazy.)
At 9:51 PM, Suzanne said...: I talked to myself outloud today at Target. Then I thought of this post. Then I laughed outloud. By myself. At Target. Yeah.
At 10:00 PM, Denise Hunter said...: LOL Suzanne!
At 12:35 AM, WK said...: Oh Denise that's funny. But see I've been talking to myself all my life. Grandma just said "as long as you don't answer yourself, you're okay."When I start answering myself I'll just move to rocker on the front porch where you put your crazy family on display. ROFL.

That is a perfect look at life though isn't it?
At 9:54 AM, Liz Flaherty said...: This is so funny, but you left out those of us for whom grocery shopping is a social event. I have reached the point that I wear makeup to Kroger's because I know I'm going to meet--and talk to--people I know. And some I don't. And even though I leave the store poorer, I also have a good time.

It took me a while to realize this is indeed a God thing, that I can be so happy doing something that's unavoidable.