Lose Ten Pounds Easily!Why are we suckered into these stupid articles that promise easy weight loss? Aren't we smarter than that? Is there a reason we can't watch "The Biggest Loser" without food? I'm obsessing over these questions. Here's the latest tips I've seen and my answer to the "easy" fixes:
1. Fiber rich foods fill you up longer!This is essentially saying if you eat a pound of fresh spinach, and not a DeBrand's truffle, you won't be hungry as quickly. Does anyone else see the problem? Chocolate...spinach. Right, I see the connection. If you think spinach will make your chocolate craving go away, you're just living in a false reality.
2. Drinks: Wine and rich coffee drinks add empty calories, go for water instead.
Again, who are these people? If you don't know the difference between a frappacino and an Evian, just drink out of that rain puddle at the gas station for crying out loud.
3. Instead of half & half, add skim milk to your coffee.
Oh right. I won't miss that at all. Give me the watery, blue stuff, please!
4. Spice it up! Spicy foods can raise your metabolism...
unless it's in Mongolian Beef, Doritos, and Palak Gosht (Indian Spinach lamb). Pretty much, anything that tastes good and is spicy (Okay, except salsa -- but then what do you put them on, hmmm?) is fattening.
Skinny people are cranky for a reason.
Faith, Froth & a Designer Handbag
http://www.kristinbillerbeck.comWith this Ring, I'm Confused -- WestBow Press
She's All That -- Integrity PublishersA Girl's Best Friend -- April, 2006
18 Comments:
kristin
i completely agree with you. i have made it my mission among my gfs to be the voice of reason, or at least the one who says are you kidding me?!
i think a balanced diet contains copious amounts of chocolate, lattes (made with whole milk), and cheese (mine comes with a liberal smattering of bacon).
i can be skinny when i am dead.
Chocolate=That's why God had man invent elastic. (I'm telling you these flannel lined pants are so me.)
This pudgy gal is still wondering how she woke up this way.......One day I was skinny, eating whatever I wanted... the next I have a talking scale saying "One at a time!"
Aggg that must be why God has called me to get my temple fit..
Either that or take the batteries out of the scale.
Once, Oprah had her "how-did-they-lose-all-that-weight-aren't they-great-inspirations" show and one guest said "I quit drinking my calories." I made a noise of great disdain and turned off the TV. I would give up food before I would quit drinking my calories, thank you. How does a girl survive without her frappuccino, her dutch dark hot chocolate, her Pepsi, I ask you? I may not be holy, but my tastebuds are satisfied.
Isn't chocolate a food group? I'm sure it is!
We always stay at the Hilton down the road when we go to Mt Hermon. We like two phone lines, internet service and Los Gatos coffee. We're such princesses. Not that the accomodations at Mt Hermon are bad, but it's a camp after all. We don't do camp. Holiday Inn is our idea of roughing it. LOL
LOL, Colleen!
All this talk about food is making me hungry!
Great blog, K!
Oh, thanks! Now I have to go get a flavored cappuccino.
Now I want Starbucks and I've put myself on a Starbucks budget. Already had my drink for the week. Thanks a lot Kristen. =)
Funny stuff. Although, sadly I'm one of the converted. Only whole milk in her lattes girl is now soy milk or non fat in her lattes girl. And even worse? Sugar free hazelnut. Yes, it's true. I went over to the other side and have been doing South Beach.
This half Mexican who swore on all that was holy (I didn't really, I'm kidding) that I would never eat low fat sour cream, well it's sad but I actually bought non-fat sour cream last week. And I actually eat whole wheat tortillas. I think I can hear mi abuelos turning over in their graves.
What's wrong with me? Reading your post makes me miss the good old days of sugar and white bread. Sheesh.
But thanks for the laugh!
ROFL!!! But you are not helping me when I'm trying to lose weight. Luckily, I've discovered Starbucks soy lattes with sugar-free vanilla syrup. It's almost as good as the whole-fat, full-sugar ones.
Camy
Hilarious!
It's a pain to try to keep in shape after children and the twenties. :0)
But you look great.
Hugs!
ROFL, So this is where you gals have been hanging. I read a snippet in the paper the other day that said Dr. Phil made it rich on selling trust. That he said, "try my vitamins and diet books and you'll be skinny." We trusted his word and wah lah. We're skinny. Oh, We're not? Well I'll be a monkey's uncle. Let's buy the next book. Maybe it explains more clearly. Hee hee, I LOVE the Silk, chocolate soy milk. I'm notold enough to drink coffee yet, so I'll have to wait to experience that.
Okay, so I'm starving now. I'm sorry, I prefer all the fat and calories I can get. I want to FEEL my veins clogging. :)
I totally agree. I was just crying to my husband about my weight. I think my exact words were, "Whatever I need to do, I'll do it. Just tell me what to eat, what to do, and I'll do it. The next day I think I was saying, "Where is the brownie mix? I need brownies!!"
What does my husband say? He's smart, he's learned to let me give in to my cravings. And you're right, no matter how much salad, veggies, meat I eat, I still have the chocolate craving. Can't we get a pill to stop that?
sorry to break it to you, but i am a coffee and chocolate HATER. cant stand it makes me sick just thinking of it.
and i only drink soy milk
I found out how to order at Starbucks where they make a caffe mocha as low cal as possible. The girl said, just say "skinny, please." So I did as she instructed, and the next time I said "skinny please." And guess what? Naaaasty. Can you say, "Fat please?!"
OH MY GOSH! The squiggly word that you have to enter at the bottom says "Bustymam." How funny. How untrue.
Yes! I've been picking up on that for a while too! There is a reason why people don't naturally substitute healthy foods in junk foods! If I'm gonna drink a soda, I want real soda. If I'm going healthy, I'll drink water. If I'm eating ice cream, bring on the good stuff. Then I'll take a walk or eat a carrot or something. I can't be satisfied with this low cal/carb business. I eat it or I don't eat it.
I know it's not chocolate or caffeine-related, but I have a beef with McDonald's for taking away my Supersize. For crying out loud, let me choose my own unhealthy portion. No one goes to McDonald's to get healthy anyway; if I wanted healthy, I'd cook at home. Mmm, maybe not.
As for the caffeine- I'm a breastfeeding mom, so now I've been reduced to "half-caff," my own combo of Starbucks with half regular and half decaf. Let me tell you, I can't wait to get back to the good stuff.
This entry was great fun. Now I have to go make some hot chocolate before my daughter comes home from school. She's five. No chocolate for her after eight in the morning:)
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