This is probably not something to admit, but the movie MEAN GIRLS made me cry. Because it's so dang true! Girls are mean. And you know what? They grow up to be mean women. Keep in mind, I grew up with boys, my best friend in college was a guy (Hi Edwin!), and I really wasn't around girls much growing up. But now that I’ve come through a lot of life’s stages, there’s really no shortage of women who have done cruel things, either out of revenge or jealously, and the older I get the less patience I have for this garbage. We are women, we should support one another! (This is not to be confused with the oblivious friend or someone unwittingly misspeaking with no ill motive or malice.)

As a Christian woman, I am shocked to know how much of this takes place in our churches, and often under the guise of “helping” us – let me explain something, when you “help” someone in the Christian sense, it is done in love. Never with the sidebar of nyah-nyah or with the admonishment of “You’re sick with this because you have unconfessed sin in your life.” Sheesh, thank you my local messiah – so do you, how come you’re healthy?

Now that I’m nearly forty, I’m fighting back. For you youngins, I want you to recognize this, and know who your friends are, and don’t let others undermine your confidence!

Here’s just a few things, mean girls do:
When you're dating a guy others want to date, and you hear, "I thought he was gay." Translation: "What would he possibly see in you? Doesn’t he know I'm available?"

When you get married, there may be a jealous girl who will try to undermine your happiness, "Really? Weren't you just dating so-and-so?" Here's he implication: Wow, aren't you the sleeze. I'm sure you just gave him something the rest of us wouldn't.

Fast forward to motherhood: "Your five year old doesn't read yet? What does his teacher say?" Translation: "Man, you have the stupidest kid alive. Shouldn't you get him some help for that? Oh, and my kid has been reading since he was three."
"Did YOU read slow?" Translation: "Does retardation run in your family?"

A sidenote: I’m the mother of four kids, and I think I’ve seen a lot. One son cannot get along with “my way or the highway” authority types. (I can't imagine where he gets that!) But one year, he had a teacher who labeled him a troublemaker early on. Now, as a mother, I made him follow her rules, we talked a lot about authority and God setting it up, and he had better do as she told him. But he was never going to like it.

So at the teacher conference, she gives me a book, "Parenting is Not For Cowards". The implication is that there's something wrong with my son and me for raising him. As she handed it to me, I nearly laughed. I thought, there's nothing wrong with him, he doesn't like you. FYI, I don’t think the book was to “help” me, but to show me the error of my ways. Luckily, my next son to have this teacher was a lot more compliant, so my parenting skills have since been redeemed.

When I was a young mother, I would really fall victim to a lot of these implications, but now that I'm older, and I see the personalities of my kids – and I know when they were young, they were just themselves and I wasn’t familiar enough with their personalities yet. BTW, They're all reading, they're all functioning, no one's taken a gun to school and they're all excellent students in Christian school -- and even if they weren't, they're my kids, and I love them. And I love my choice of husband, car, wedding ring, house, clothes, books that I write, and anything else you choose to diss. Translation: I am nearly forty, I will not be embarrassed, humiliated or moved by someone’s biased opinion.

(This is different from people who love you telling you you’re blowing it, by the way! We should always have an accountability group to tell us honestly when we’re veering from God’s path.) But if there’s someone who is making you feel like everything you do is wrong, or not as good as them. They’re not your friend, they’re working out some childhood insecurity. Love them, and if that doesn’t work, shake the dust off your sandals and find less toxic people because YOU are beautifully and wonderfully made, and ppphhht to anyone who doesn’t think so.

Oh I feel a disclaimer is necessary, lest you think I’m without sin here: I have my own toxic slip-ups – and since this sounds like I’m pointing fingers, I feel I should share. One time I found out my beau in college used my Ford Mustang convertible GT 5.0 (which I’d worked SO hard for!) to take out another girl – wasn’t he impressive? That night, my friend Marc and I went to his condo, and threw all his gifts, etc., over his condominium front lawn, which was a shared courtyard for about 20 condos. Revenge was definitely my motive – and I’m embarrassed to admit, it still makes me laugh out loud to think about his stuff all strewn there so publicly. So I’m not exactly repentant. But I shouldn’t admit that either.