HOLIDAY WEIGHT:FROM DIANN
So Thanksgiving is over and the cakes and pies linger—not only in the
fridge, but on my body. Thereby (do people still use that word?) joining the
mashed potatoes and gravy, dinner rolls, sweet potato casserole . . . .

Please don’t get snooty, I did limit myself to, well, two helpings—and a
half—I mean, who counts all those little trips to the buffet table? I was
never good at math, anyway.

As a result of Tom Turkey’s appearance, once again this year I find myself
in need of—and I hate this word—exercise. Sigh. I have to exercise . . .
with a partial lung.

Okay, don’t feel sorry for me. Doc says my lung will do just fine. Be good
as new with time. In the meantime, fat globules are taking over my body.
I’ve tried stretching my toes back and forth, but so far, no real help to my
hips.

Any suggestions for staying in shape over the holidays? I know, I know, push
away from the table. Let’s not count that one. Anything else?

FASHION--OR THE LACK THEREOF
I just got back last night from Phoenix. I've been fashion conscious lately, as you all know. See these boots? Wouldn't you think that girls who were wearing them would be in maybe Montana or Wyoming? Um, no. Everywhere I went in Phoenix, women were wearing these things. In PHOENIX. Valley of the sun. At the mall, I saw one girl with these things on and she was wearing a camisole top. Can you imagine this picture? LOL What are they thinking? I noticed it last year too.

And the thing is spreading. We spent about two hours at the Dallas airport (don't ask why we were there so long. Sigh) Women were wearing them there too. Don't they realize how ridiculous they look in those things when there is no snow to be seen? And when it's WARM? I don't get it. Anyone know the background of this new rage? I couldn't help but stare. If they only knew how dumb it looks. LOL

Colleen's AWOL today. Probably too much tryptophan with her daughter. So while I have nothing to say, that's never stopped me before. Do you remember when you were in grade school, and someone was "acting big"? Well, that was part of my Thanksgiving weekend. A lot of people "acting big". These actual words uttered, "When the Masai yelled at us, we looked at one another fearfully. Luckily, I spoke a little Swahili."

Oh Lord, I do not belong here.

When we reach a certain age, don't we get past trying to impress one another? Doesn't it get old and really pointless? I mean, you know how at your 5 year reunion everyone is telling you how fabulous they are and at the twentieth, you're just happy to be there?

Incidentally, I am really hard to impress because I just don't care about what people have accomplished. I care about their character. My boy Curtis overcame a mother who abandoned him and many other siblings for drugs. His father was in jail for murder -- he graduated from a top college and made something of himself -- bought his first condo! But more important than any of that, my boy Curtis ROCKS because his character has always been impeccable! He's getting married in April (he sung in our wedding at age 8 -- all by himself when his siblings chickened out! LOL)

I don't know, it's just painful to me how some of us act like students of the world -- when really, we're Americans and we have it so easy! Happy Monday! Hope your Thanksgiving was more fun-filled. : )

The Bachelor -- Country Bumpkin Version

What the heck was that train wreck? Did anyone watch the Bachelor finale this week? Granted, this bachelor was about as interesting as my fish tank -- (at least there, I get the pretty trickling water noise.) But wow, I am so glad Miss Deanna was freed of that commitment-phobe narcissist. If you missed it (and aren't you the smart ones?), our Bachelor didn't pick anyone. He just sat there alone on this stone tablet, a la, Chronicles-of-Narnia gone-very-wrong, holding the engagement ring for product placement, looking forlorn. Like he feels so bad, so he must be a good guy.

I've got no trouble with the guy turning down the women if he's not interested, but not after he says things, like "Deanna is everything I want in a wife." And "She's a bartender. We not only gain a sister-in-law, we gain an employee." That is cruel and sick, and our bachelor is thinking he's a good guy for telling her the truth. It looks like he's going to propose, then he takes a hike on the grass, like a dog surveying a hydrant, loosens his tie and comes back up with this angst. Deanna, our smart Greek heroine, is kind of fearful at this point. Like hey...this guy is not the guy I thought he was. And the fact that he SO doesn't get it is that he wants Deanna to feel sorry for him, "Are you shutting me out now?" he asks when he's just dumped her.

Hint for guys: When you kick a woman to the curb, and she's looking for an engagement ring, chances are not good she's in a loving mood. And just because you feel bad, it doesn't make you a hero.

Brad doesn't know what he wants and that is not attractive. Not in the least bit. A man who won't risk something is not going to fight for your honor or anyone else's. He's certainly not hero material. He's driven by fear and that is ICKY!

On a happier note, Diann is a big fan of Christmas music (at all times of the year, but whatever). So in honor of her recovery, let's share our favorite Christmas song and why. Mine is "O Holy Night" just because you have to have an awesome voice to sing it and I believe it reflects God's majesty. And incidentally, I cannot sing and I like Clay Aikin's version. : )

Kristin Billerbeck
www.KristinBillerbeck.com

YOU KNOW YOU'VE WRITTEN TOO MUCH SUSPENSE WHEN. . .
The librarian conference was really fun! I made sure to tell them they were living my dream, by the way. They were glad to hear it, I think. But let me backtrack you through the day a bit.

My biggest fear about getting myself to Indy is that I'm not a city girl and I was driving there by myself. Could I even find a parking garage? I was so proud when I managed to find it right off. Except for one thing. The parking was WAAAY down in the basement. When I parked, I noticed there weren't many people there even in the middle of the day. The fleeting thought came that it might not be the safest spot for a woman alone, but I quickly shoved that fear aside and hurried over to the convention center. All through my talks and the interaction with the librarians, I was dreading the rush hour drive home. And I occasionally thought about that dark garage. . .

Fast forward to five o'clock. There are lots of people out on the streets. I head for the parking garage but I notice not many are going my way. Correction--NO ONE is going my way. I step into the stairwell and am confronted with a homeless man. He looks VERY scary. Beard and hair to his chest and reeking of urine. And don't email me that I shouldn't be afraid. I know I shouldn't. But I was suddenly very frightened. I was a woman alone rushing down these clanging metal steps to the basement. He shouted after me and I heard the steps clang above my head. Perspiration broke out on my forehead and I ran as fast as I could down the last flight of steps. When I reached that bottom level, it was totally deserted. I was digging out my keys and praying the whole time that I'd make it to the van in time. I had it unlocked and hurtled inside where I locked the doors before I did anything else.

The poor guy never did emerge onto my level and I realize it was probably all in my imagination. But I thought I was about to live one of my stories. It gave me new empathy for my poor characters. LOL

You have any scary stories to share. Beware--they might end up in a book!

Computers are a blessing and a curse, aren’t they? When they’re working, they’re a wonderful thing. Something goes wrong . . . they can make a saint want to commit a heinous felony. But let’s face it, they do have some pretty cool capabilities.

I was just thinking about this last night when I overate at our church’s small group. (Hey, if you belonged to our small group, you’d overeat too.) I got to thinking (always dangerous)—wouldn’t it be nice if our bodies had a “system restore”? You eat too much, you just set the body back an hour or so and you’re good to go. There’s my kind of diet, and one that would really come in handy three days from now.

Wouldn’t it be nice on those “fuzzy thinking” days (or maybe I’m the only one who has those) if we could just reboot? At the push of a button, instant clarity. Okay, not really instant, but a lot quicker than a long jog around the neighborhood or—who am I kidding—three cups of caffeine.

Vision getting worse? Increase the pixels. Tired of graphic images and language? Install a filter. Works on the tongue too. Hey, it’s my invention, I can make it anything I want. Memory problems? Push the “save” button. Shoot, create a backup file just to be safe. Bad memories? Click on “remove program”. Say the wrong thing? (Me? NEVER.) Backspace. Can’t express yourself adequately? Click on “send” and all your thoughts will transfer to your husband. Okay, maybe this isn’t a brilliant idea.

All I know is, come Thursday, when I’ve collapsed in a tryptophan-induced coma, that “system restore” thing is gonna sound pretty good. And I have a feeling a few million others might be happy to sign up for the program too.

BOOK SIGNING
Saturday, November 17th at 2 p.m.
The Door Bookstore, San Carlos, CA
With Brandilyn Collins, Marilu Tyndall and Camy Tang!

There are two things I hate about being a writer. Well, there's probably more, but two is a good number to start with. One, I hate that my brain won't shut down when I want it to so that I can sleep/eat/date my husband/shop/pick my kids up on time or whatever is on the daily agenda.

Two: I cannot abide book signings. Not for the reasons you might think. I don't mind that no one shows up and I look pathetic as I give directions to the loo. Doesn't bother me. I don't even mind that there's more interest in the tile demonstration at Home Depot. What I do mind is that I feel like a zoo animal on display with nothing important to say. If I had something important to say, I'd be a speaker! But I'm a writer. Put me in front of my computer and I'm good to go, I'll say just about anything. Put me in front of people and I forget I have a tongue.

But I AM doing a booksigning on Saturday, and it's going to be a fun one because I will have friends from my local writing group there, and I will get to meet people -- maybe even people I went to school with since it's in my old stomping ground. I'm really excited about this one. I love to meet people! Just don't expect me to say anything intelligent and we're all good.

FEAR AND TREMBLING
I had two dreams when I was growing up: I was either going to be a librarian or a Latin teacher. Geeky, right? LOL What can I say? I love books. My parents have pictures of me sleeping with a book in my hand. And in high school, I took Latin and loved all the history as well as learning the words. Now of course, I can't even figure out a Latin word for a crossword puzzle. But those were my dreams.

So it seems a little surreal that tomorrow I'm going to speak at the Indiana Federation of Librarians annual conference. There will be a thousand librarians there. Heaven! But I feel a little intimidated to be among these folks who are living one of my early dreams. I had a dream last night about my best friend in high school. She IS a librarian now and I got to wondering if she might be there. I haven't seen her in years. Wouldn't that be a hoot if she showed up?

So how about you? What was your dream growing up? Are you living even a tiny bit of it? Instead of being a librarian, I'm supplying those folks with books so I've got a piece of that dream.

COLLEEN'S BLOOPER

UPDATE ON DIANN
Praise God, praise God!! Di just got back the pathology report and it's the best possible news. It's a MALT lymphoma, grade 1, they got it all. They'll only keep an eye on her but it's unlikely to come back and she won't have to have further treatment. She and I both cried.

Please pray for Kristy Dykes, my friends. She comments here every day and she's just been told she has a malignant brain tumor. Let's pray her in a miracle too.

REQUIUM FOR A BRAIN
You ever had one of those days where you're braindead? I had one of those in a major way yesterday. It started out good. I was going to meet Denise at the hospital and we'd go see Di. When Denise and I got to the room, she was looking pale and wasted in the chair. We chatted a few minutes and I'm not liking how she's looking. She might faint anytime so I thought she should get back into bed. I'll leave her tell you what I did because she tells it so much funnier, but let's just say I was NOT using my brain matter.

Still the first boo-boo had all of us howling with laughter. We all laughed so much from that point on that Di's endorphins started flowing and she was nearly ready to tap dance down the halls. Incidentally, she was great last night too so my humiliation was worth it.

When I left there, I headed to Salon St Thomas on the south side of Ft Wayne to have Kim cut my hair. I missed my turn so I pulled into a tire place and drove through the parking lot and out the other side to get on the road so I could turn back the way I came. One thing--you can't see one way signs from that direction. Yep, I turned out into four lanes of traffic--ALL COMING AT ME! I try to steer the van into the grass on the other side but the curb is too high. Luckily all the oncoming cars see me and stop about ten feet away. I get turned around with my face burning with embarrassment and go the RIGHT way.

Still stinging from my stupidity, I get to the hairdresser. My cut is good, I'm happy. Maybe the stupid things are over. Um no. I go to my van, and my brain left on vacation. I don't happen to notice one needs to DUCK to get in the vehicle. I whacked my forehead on the top of the window frame. LOL It about knocked me silly and is bruised today. I'm such an idiot.

Got any braindead stories you want to share or am I the only one that stupid?

Priceless

Some things are big, some things are small,
but all these things that make me smile.

A baby’s belly-laugh
A pair of jeans that make you feel skinny
The first warm, sunny spring day
A long, hot bubble bath
Lipstick in the perfect shade
Great friends
An unexpected hug from your child
Grace
A twenty-dollar bill in last year’s coat pocket
A phone call from an old friend
A sincere compliment on a rotten day
A beautiful sunset
Free internet while you’re traveling
The first crisp day of autumn
A morning to sleep in
Chocolate
A great babysitter
Sliding under your covers after a long, tiring day
The first day of school
A pen that writes great
A novel you can’t put down
A fire crackling in the fireplace
The smell of pine trees
Email
A photo that makes you look photogenic
Unexpected acts of kindness
A good hair day
The smell of fresh-cut flowers
A shoulder to lean on
The first coffee of the morning

What’s priceless to you?

UPDATE ON DIANN
She was doing fabulously last night, but she's got some pain today that the epidural isn't handling. It's referring into her shoulder and they've tried readjusting where the epidural is but it didn't help. So please pray for the pain to ease! She's being moved to a regular room today. You can send a card to

Parkview Hospital
Patricia Diann Hunt Rm 345
2200 Randalia Dr
Fort Wayne IN 46805

She'll probably be there at least until the weekend, maybe until next Monday.

DI'S SURGERY
Di is out of surgery! The doctor said it couldn't have gone any better. The lymphoma ball was totally contained. He took a few lymph glands but said he'd be surprised if they had any lymphoma in them. We won't have the full pathology report back for about a week but it's clear he doesn't suspect any serious lymphoma. It's probably the MALT I've suspected all along.

So thank you all for praying! Keep it up and let's make sure she has no breathing problems and minimal pain.

I started two books at once. This has never happened before. One is
women's fiction, one is a chick lit. But here's what's different. I
started the chick lit because someone just annoyed the daylights out
of me with her chipper personality. I mean, how wrong is that? But
she was so spritely and happy, I wanted to go home and "school" her,
as my kids would say. So I did. In a book. And she'll never be the
wiser. But happy people shouldn't annoy you. Right? Today our sermon
was on authenticity, and that was it. I had my theme. When you're
too chipper, when in fact, you're living in ignorance, that is not
happy, that is ignorance. And her ignorance annoyed me. I wanted to
say out loud, "Girlfriend, you have NO clue what you're talking
about." But that would be rude. So I kept my mouth shut, even though
everyone in the room was thinking exactly the same thing. But I have
somewhere to go with my frustration. I can write a book!

The picture above is me, my daughter and my muse for Ashley -- though
she's not nearly as spoiled, she is JUST as much fun. And she was always married, so that part as with a lot of the rest was complete fiction. I'm Snow White
just in case you're confused.

Pray for Diann today!! Pray she will be at peace and the surgery will
ALL be over before she realizes it. That is the GOOD kind of
ignorance. : )

PRAY FOR DIANN
Her bags are packed. Jim has downloaded Christmas music and movies into her Palm Pilot. Weird I know but that's what cheers her up. I'm just surprised she didn't make him put up the Christmas tree even though Thanksgiving isn't even here. LOL Di's still smiing as she prepares to go the hospital on Monday morning. The surgery to remove a lobe of her lung that contains the mass is at 7:30 am. Please remember to hold her up to the Father, to pray for strength and comfort, for her to experience the presence of God through this surgery. And please, please pray that she has NO trouble breathing when she wakes up.

Even though she's a Christmas freak, we still love her. I'll post an update on the blog on Monday as soon as she's out of surgery. She'll probably be in the hospital until Friday or so. And get this--she'll have a epidural so she will be pain free for three days. With you all praying, when she switches to pain pills, she may be skipping down the halls!

Oh and one good thing about it being THIS Monday--we go back to REAL time so getting to the hospital at 5:30 will be like getting there at 6:30. So cheer up about that early morning, Di! LOL

The news is out! I'm pretty sure I heard the screams of joy from women everywhere when they released the results of the study. Chocolate is good for us!

Not just any chocolate, but the good stuff: dark chocolate. I was digging through candy dishes of Hershey Miniatures for the Special Darks long before they thought to do a study on the health benefits of chocolate.

Dark chocolate, they say, lowers pressure and contains antioxidants that prevent heart disease and other ailments.

Curious, I read up on the study. I'm always looking for an excuse to eat sweets. My dancing didn't last for long. Turns out, they recommend eating the equivalent of two Hershey Kisses a day. Show me the woman who can stop at one mouthful of chocolate and I'll show you a woman who doesn't need lower pressure or preventatives for heart disease.

Hello, work with me people. If you're going to put the stamp of approval on chocolate, don't tease me with absurd portion control. For now, I'm going with the theory that if a little is good for me, a lot is even better.