Wednesday, April 30, 2008
It's Not Easy Being Green
So the word of the year is "green". I watched a "House Hunters" the other night where a couple in New Mexico who lived in a four bedroom, three bath house with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances, was looking for a "green" vacation home in Oregon, on the beach. When they saw one house with an older "stainless" fridge that wasn't Energy Star compliant, they wanted to change it out for an efficient one.
Okay, people, are you following this? How are you green if you live in a HUGE house and you buy another HUGE house for a vacation home? You have an energy star appliance in both places and so you feel good about yourself? My point is, you can't live the way you want, big and large and be green. You have to make some choices about how much of a footprint you leave.
SO let's do the math. To get to Oregon, they will have to take a plane. (Unnecessary travel -- Bad for the environment.) Their house was in the mountains of New Mexico and big (upsetting the natural balance in the mountains -- bad for the ecosystem.) A house on the beach is about as ungreen as you can be. I'm sorry, but God isn't making any more shore (unless we have a big earthquake, maybe). But how can you build along the ocean, take up shoreline and call yourself green? How can you throw out a new refrigerator into the landfill and call yourself green? Is it really better for the environment for you to throw away laminate countertops in the landfill so you can go with recycled glass counters? Seriously, the less impact, the more green you are. It's just a fact, but it's become a sales pitch, like BUYING MORE STUFF is going to fix the environment. I mean, is it me? Two people with two houses across the country are not really as green as they believe. Now I'm not faulting the people for living the life they want to live, but don't delude yourself and say the environment is your primary concern.
To me, it's like being a Christian. You can't continue on in life just as you please and call yourself one. There has to be some action that accompanies the title. All I'm saying.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
A NEW MESSIAH?
I love Oprah. Really I do. She's done a lot of great things for people. I almost think of her as a neighbor since we're 3 hours from Chicago, plus she has a lake house about an hour from me. I think she's super at encouraging people to take charge of their lives and change them for the better. But even Lucifer can masquerade as an angel of light and I'm afraid we've all been blinded by Oprah's sweetness and light.
So this serious post when we're usually light-hearted really pains me. I always knew she had a little different take on spirituality, but it's only been recently that we've seen just how far afield she's strayed. She's very deceived now, and if it's bad enough that she's standing on the edge of a cliff, but she's drawing millions of people there with her. According to today's bestsellers on Amazon, FOUR of the top five titles are by her new guru Eckhart Tolle.
In church Sunday our pastor showed this video of Oprah herself telling what she believes. What had me shaking my head was when she said she was in church and it just didn't FEEL right that God would be a jealous God. Hello? That's what the Bible says. Since when is truth based on feeling? The Bible tells us to hold what we're told up against the light of the Bible. THAT is truth, not feelings or impressions or dreams or prophesies. The Bible is the litmus test.
Here is the video I'm talking about. It totally grieves and surprises me. Did you know she was heading this direction? I didn't see it coming, not in this awful way. http://mywisegeneration.blogspot.com/2008/04/oprahs-new-age-religion-contradicts.html
Labels: heresy, New Age, Oprah
posted at 2:17 PM
I love to travel and our kids are great ages for it—9, 12, and 15. Old enough to remember and young enough to be grateful for a free trip.
We’ve done the whole Florida thing, and a few years ago we travelled through the New England states where I did research for Surrender Bay. We’ve spent the past two summers tooling around the western half of the United States. We’ve been in more National Parks than Smokey the Bear (if you have to ask who that is, don’t you dare do it on this blog.)
Now that we’ve pretty much exhausted the things we wanted to see in the contiguous US, I’ve been dreaming of far away places. Mainly Alaska. What is it about that great expanse of wilderness that intrigues me? I’m not sure, but I want to go and I want to set a book or a series there eventually. Can you say tax write-off?
So, if you could beam yourself anyplace on earth, free of charge, where would you want to go? Australia, Ireland, France, the Holy Land? What’s your dream vacation?
posted at 8:52 AM
Monday, April 28, 2008
Yeah, I thought that would get your attention. We're all guilty, right? I mean, who doesn't indulge now and then? So why did this particular impulse buy surprise me? And why wasn't "I" the one who made the purchase?
Hubby says to me, "We need to get back on our budget."
I respond with my usual, "Okay." I mean, why stress? We both know we go through this little conversation every now and then so we'll "feel" more disciplined.
"Maybe even do the cash envelopes," he says with a sort of CPA air about him.
End of conversation.
So our son and his family come to our house. Hubby and son are out in the family room while daughter-in-law and I finish getting ready to go out to eat (it's in the budget, of course).
Next thing I know, I'm walking down the hallway and Son says, "You won't believe what Dad did." Daughter-in-law says, "You're gonna kill him."
I walk--okay, run--to the family room and see that our TV channel has been switched to one of those home shopping channels. Not a good sign.
Hubby proceeds to tell me (rather animatedly--which is frightening, really) that he has purchased a solar-powered birdbath.
"What about the budget?" says I.
"It's really awesome, Di. Runs on solar power."
"Uh-huh, got that part. The budget?"
"Just wait and see, you'll love it."
A week passes with zero talk of the budget. The amazing solar-powered birdbath arrives. Solar-powered, as in, runs only when the sun is shining. Forget the moonlit evenings out in the courtyard with the faint trickling of a fountain. Overcast days? The fountain is on sabbatical. Turn on your faucet.
The solar-powered wonder is loaded in my car. I'm taking it to my daughter tomorrow.
So much for the impulse buy.
posted at 3:00 AM
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Congratulations to the winners of the autographed copies of The Convenient Groom! Your copies are on their way!
Amy Beth Bullard
posted at 12:47 PM
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
My next book is just shipping to stores. It's an Amish suspense called Anathema
, and it's set in Parke Co., Indiana, the covered bridge capitol of the world. It's already garnered a Romantic Times Top Pick. My publisher is running a very special offer--a special price AND it's signed by me! Go here
to preorder the book and be one of the first 250 to get that signed copy. Isn't the cover gorgeous? Here's a short blurb:
Heart-racing romantic suspense meets heart-warming Amish ambience in this major novel from award-winning author Colleen Coble.
Welcome to Parke County, Indiana,
land of peaceful farms and covered bridges,
Amish quilts and horse drawn buggies . . . and murder.
After years of running, Hannah Schwartz has finally built a life for herself. Far from the insecure husband who bullied and abused her. Far from the close-knit Amish community who raised her, then shunned her. Still haunted by nightmare memories of her parents’ murder . . . and the guilty secret that made her an anathema—a true outcast—from her friends and family.
Only love can bring her home again. Love for a child she had feared was lost forever. And love for the peaceful people who shaped her life. But can love heal old wounds . . . or keep the community safe from a deadly danger?
If you order the book and do a review for Amazon, Barnes and Noble or CBD, I'll send you one of my out of print early books. They're small Harlequin size romances but I doubt you've read them because they haven't been available in several years. I've got a limited number and this special may clean me out, but that's okay. Send me the link where you ordered the book and I'll trust you to do a review and send out your freebie book anyway. You can't beat a deal like that!
Okay, now to another matter. Ahem. In recent edits on Lonestar Secrets, my editor questioned the fact that Shannon was wearing her watch after taking a shower. I wear my watch to bed and thought everyone did. Um, maybe not. Am I a total weirdo (don't answer that honestly. LOL) Poll time. Vote yes or no for wearing your watch to bed. I like to know what time it is. I guess I got into the habit because I could never see the clock at night because of poor eyesight but even after Lasix I still wear it. On a happy note, my mom just got a cataract taken off and she is ecstatic at how well she can see!
posted at 9:49 PM
I'm so excited! The Convenient Groom
is in bookstores!
What better way to celebrate than to give away copies to our faithful GWO friends? If you’d like to win one of five autographed copies, send an email with your snail mail address to firstname.lastname@example.org
by Thursday April 24. I’ll post the winners over the weekend.
Here’s a blurb of the story:Five hours before her Nantucket beach wedding—and on the eve of her big book launch—celebrity marriage counselor Kate Lawrence has everything in place.
Everything, that is, but the groom. She might not have a career either, when her nationwide audience finds out their marriage guru has been left at the altar.
Enter Lucas Wright, who offers to stand in for her missing groom. Kate’s desperate enough to agree—though she’s sure this Mr. Wright is completely wrong for her. But can they pull it off? And why would Lucas marry her in the first place?
posted at 9:22 AM
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
The ultimate test of qualifying as a grandparent? A Chuck E Cheese experience.
We spent the weekend with our kids and grandkids. We now have six grandkids, by the way (oh, and did I mention they are absolutely beautiful--little Einsteins every last one of them--just in case you wondered). I love them with every inch of my heart. But I have to say when someone suggested we go there to eat, I considered DNA testing.
Oh, I know there are many grandparents who are happy to go there (brown noses, every last one of them). You know me. I do happy, right? I mean, I love chocolate, remember? A mouse in a costume? Not so much. And hello? Ever seen those singing characters? I want to run up and slap an arthritis patch on them.
Don't even get me started on the noise level thing. The screaming, the tantrums, the headbanging--I KNOW it's not all coming from me.
The truth is, if a hit man came after me for information and forced me onto a bed of nails? No problemo. Stretch rack? I could handle it. Shoot, I could even deal with a shortage of truffles at deadline. But if Mr. Hit Man threatened to take me there for dinner if I didn't talk? I'd blab more information than he'd find in an on-line encyclopedia.
Okay, so I ended up going, but I doubt I'll win the Nanny of the Year award. Say what you will about me, but I'm honest. Besides, I'll do other things for the grandkids to make up for it--a walk in the park, trip to the zoo, carousel ride, whatever it takes.
And for the record, TWO of my grandchildren were hiding under the table when the singing mouse came to call. I would have joined them, but there wasn't enough room for the three of us--and, well, my pizza.
posted at 3:00 AM
Monday, April 21, 2008
So I've been in L.A. this weekend. May I just say that is the cleavage capital of the world? If you've ever felt flat in your life, L.A. is not the place to be. Honestly, there is no limit to what is acceptable down there. Women boast what looks like a tanned bum hanging out their shirts at 3 in the afternoon! What was it Mamie said about showing your bosom before five o'clock? And really, when your bosom is bigger than my bum, maybe you shouldn't show it at all. The force on these shirts defies the laws of physics.
Anyway, put the girls away, Los Angeles! Save something for the imagination.
I'm home to the geeks of Silicon Valley (Praise God!). I got a copy of the "What a Girl Wants" screenplay and I just love it! It is fabulous and funny and so weird...because people who write screenplays just seem to know which scenes to include into a movie. It's wonderfully exciting to see and I just hope it makes it to movie format because I think the writers did a fabulous job! Happy Monday all, I'm off to my facial this morning in desperate need of an Ashley morning after a week off with the kids, and a minivan, and a drive to Los Angeles.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I have two problems.
Okay, I have more than two, but it’s a blog and a short one at that.
Problem one. I spend too much time in the car. I’d wear a chauffer uniform if it wouldn’t embarrass my kids. I wait a lot. At school, at baseball practice, at the dentist office, at soccer practice, at orthodontist appointments, at the mall. We’re still on problem one, in case you got lost.
Problem two. I really want to read good books on writing. I need to read good books on writing the way I need to eat my veges. They are my literary broccoli. They inspire me, the encourage me, they teach me.
But when I’m at home, I lack the focus to concentrate. There’s the kids and the TV and the laundry and good novels to be read and the writing and the phone calls and the durn calendar with all those appointments I must chauffer my children to.
Recently I found a way to fix both problems. I now have—ta da!—a Car Book. No, it’s not exactly innovative. But my car books have always consisted of novels so good I want to read them every spare moment. Now, I have made my literary broccoli my Car Book.
I find myself very interested in reading a book of any kind when faced with 42 minutes trapped in the confines of my vehicle. Now, I gladly put the car in park and dig into the world I love—the wonderful world of writing. Time passes quickly, I learn a thing or ten, and everyone’s happy. Tell us how you pass the time when you’re stuck waiting.
posted at 10:04 AM
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Okay, so my next book, Bittersweet Surrender, deals with a heroine who owns a chocolate day spa. Hubby and I went to Cracker Barrel for dinner and as we're leaving, he notices this 50% off area where there are fun "chocolate things." Cocoa Butter Scrubs, Truffle Lotion, Chocolate Lip Gloss, Cocoa Candles, things like that! So I practically buy out their whole stash (it's 50% off, after all), and figure they will be GREAT giveaways when my book comes out!!!
So be sure to stay tuned. I'll also be offering Vera Bradley handbag giveaways with my books because my character loves Vera Bradley bags--but you'll have to watch my website for that one, because I'm having a contest on there. I'll let you know when (sometime in June). What fun!!
Anyway, I hope you like contests! I can hardly wait!
posted at 7:27 AM
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
There's really very little I don't like about getting older. I think my grandmother did it with such grace and I've already told you my mother doesn't have a vain bone in her body. And as I get older, I'm finding I wear what I like, do what I like and what is bad about that? Sure, your skin gets weird, but you can cover it with fabulous Christian Dior Air Spray and you can cover that with Jane Iredale powder. Could you afford that when you were young? No, you were at the mercy of good skin days.
Hair? You can get it done in a salon. I feel cool driving my sun-roofed minivan. I have a view from my office window. I feel comfortable with power tools and home improvement. Getting older just brings peace. And, I finally got my own dog, after a good run carrying a pet zucchini to embarrass my parents into getting me one (it didn't work, even though I took it to my dad's boss' house!) Apparently, they were used to my tricks.
I was reading in "Us" this morning about all the women in there do to starve themselves to stay emaciated-looking and gain acceptance. Hello? Embrace yourself. Eat! Live the Italian way, put people first, and all else is cake! What do you like about getting older?
Monday, April 14, 2008
Hey, Kara is losing ground on the voting! If you have a minute, please go vote again. You can vote once a day. Go here
then click Pets. Follow the link and click Grooming Shops. Her's is See Spot Clean. Thanks my friends!
posted at 4:12 PM
I'm still sooo excited about our baby girl who is coming soon! We got 3D ultrasound pictures but I couldn't get my scanner to work so these are generic ones. But you can see her tiny feet and hands, her face, and uh, the fact that she's a girl. I was sick yesterday so Dave of course took the pictures to church to show off. Everyone is excited for us and he was proudly showing them off. The preacher talked about staying away from sin like off-color jokes, pornography, etc. Good message Dave said.
Well what does my husband do? After church he goes up to Preacher and says, "Hey, you want to see a picture of a naked girl?" The pastor's face sags, and he says, "I just preached about that!" I think he thought Dave hadn't been listening and was about to tell an off-color joke. LOL Dave whips out the pictures of Princess (he calls her Princess Porkchop because we called her Porkchop before we knew she was a girl) and shows them to Preacher who started to laugh.
Some men's humor. LOL
posted at 8:43 AM
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Colleen is going to try and get that grandbaby in pink. It didn't work with Kara, but she's bound and determined, she's going to get someone in pink. May I dare suggest she get a puppy because this is me at 4. Note the lingerie. Note the expertise with which I powder my nose.
My mother never wore a stitch of makeup. If she wore lingerie, I thankfully never saw it -- but I did see the Moo Moo flannels each morning. I did notice she was completely gray by thirty and never thought of dye. So where I came from is a complete mystery, but I can tell you, that baby is knit together and if she doesn't want to wear pink? Well, she's not going to let Grandma stand in her way.
My daughter has Geox $60 sparkle shoes, the same day I bought her a Hannah Andersson outfit for Easter, complete with hat, but not a dress, so completely wearable to school. That girl is bound and determined that she will never ever leave this house matching. Does she wear it? Heck no. If I get her an outfit that is coordinated from head to toe? She will put on striped colored tights with it, just to make certain she hasn't missed a color in the rainbow. Rather than her sparkle shoes, she wears her Payless Shoe Source shoes just to get my goat. I know she does!
So my suggestion for Colleen is to give baby Coble yellow and wait for pink to be her idea. Do you not see that I was vain at four? This should scare you.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I want to eat healthy, I really do. I hear seafood is a good place to start. Now, call me weird, but I'm thinking anything that looks up at me from my plate deserves to live.
People eat seafood like there's no tomorrow, and I just don't get it. I've tried everything from shrimp to Mrs. Paul's, and I'm just not into it. We went to Nantucket Island, for crying out loud, and to my husband's everlasting shame, I ate chicken.
The closest I come to eating seafood is those little cheese cracker thingies called Goldfish. Now, THAT'S something I can sink my teeth into!
And there's another thing that bothers me (aren't you glad I'm in a chatty mood today?).
In the grocery store.
What in the sam hill is that all about? I feel bad for them. Sure, I know they're ugly, but not everybody can be a swan.
Besides, all their friends have bailed. Haven't you heard? They're out looking for Nemo. Somebody should tell them.
One more thing, and I'll shut up. My family likes crab legs (I must be adopted). I'm sure you know there's a method to eating them. Crack their shells and then you eat the slimy stuff inside. Other than showing it in a good horror flick, I just don't see the point.
Most likely, many of you love seafood and you might be able to convert me with a really wonderful recipe like chocolate salmon or something. I hope you can convert me. After all, fish is supposedly brain food.
Come to think of it, that explains a lot.
posted at 7:54 AM
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
My kids just called and we're having a baby girl! I get to buy PINK!
Kara said, "oh no," when I said I got to buy pink. I marked the poor child for life. I so wanted a daughter (I grew up the only girl of four kids) and I went a tiny bit overboard in buying pink. She refused to wear pink for at least ten years. I told her I'd try to buy some navy and red to mix it up. LOL
posted at 10:40 AM
I HATE MY NECK
I've hated my neck since I was a teenager. Fooled you, didn't I? You thought I only hated it now because it's starting to sag like a turkey neck. LOL But no, I've always hated it. It's not a long, slender neck like a ballerina, which is always what I wanted. Instead it's this strong column and you can see my adam's apple. HATE that. And it's doubly ugly now that is IS starting to sag like a turkey. Something else that's happening since I'm starting to age is those doggone age spots. It's all from tanning when I was a teenager. I burned sometimes too--freckles were the bane of my life. So on my arms, legs and face I'm getting some dark spots.
And even more worrisome, I've got some scaly patches of solar keratosis. The doctor gave me some high powered cream but there are side effects with it so I haven't used it yet. Dave has those things too so I went on a quest to find a more natural oil or cream that would help and found--EMU OIL. Now don't wrinkle your nose at me--it isn't becoming. Did you know Oprah and tons of movie stars swear the stuff is a miracle? I didn't either but now I know why. I bought the Dremu brand (I just ordered a less expensive brand and I'll let you know if it's just as good. The other stuff I ordered is Longview Farms brand.)
The stuff is a miracle in a bottle. No kidding. Those solar keratosis things? Nearly gone in a WEEK! After TWO DAYS all the age spots significantly lightened. And the turkey neck? Let's just say I haven't started gobbling yet. LOL My skin is looking more luminous and tighter. It is supposed to work for acne, psoriasis, eczema, all types of skin problems. I'm sold on it. I sound like a commercial, but it's only because I'm excited at how well it's working.
You should see Dave screw up his face when I come at him with the eyedropper of oil. LOL He's like a little kid submitting to a face washing by his mother. But it's working on his spots too. A little more slowly because I'm only doing his face at night. I put it on my spots twice a day.
So there's my favorite beauty product. Care to share yours?
posted at 8:42 AM
Monday, April 07, 2008
Imagine you're at a Christian Book Convention. The place is filled with booths and all your favorite Christian authors are there. There are workshops, events, booksignings, and many readers walking the floor.
Sound like a wonderful thing? Well, Spring of 2009, in Dallas, Texas, this will be a reality. March 20-22 the ECPA is putting on an event called Chrisian Book Expo. (Get more info at http://www.christianbookexpo.com/)
What does this have to do with you other than the fact that you love Christian fiction? Well, three of us are on the Fiction Task Force. Our job is to make suggestions for workshops, panels, events, etc. that readers would enjoy. We figured what better way to find out than to ask readers?
So, we're asking our friends at GWO.
What workshops would you like to attend?
What authors would you like to hear speak?
What topics would like covered?
Would you like to have lunch at an author's table?
Would you enjoy listening to a reading?
Would you like a Q and A panel?
Come on, it's your day. Tell us what your dream day at the Christian Book Expo looks like.
posted at 8:54 AM
Friday, April 04, 2008
Isn't my grandpup Parker adorable? You have a chance to keep him in kibble. See Spot Clean, my daughter's dog wash, has been nominated as the best groom shop. It would mean huge exposure for her if she would win. You can go here
and vote for her! Click on Pets after you click the link, then groom shops. You'll see See Spot Clean on the list. You can vote once a day. Thanks so much, friends!
posted at 8:48 AM
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Whoever said money can't buy happiness clearly doesn't own a pair of Donald Pliner Shoes! Of all things, Donald came to his San Jose store. Oh my gosh, I was so excited!! I think I've mentioned his shoes in nearly all of my books, since I am slightly obsessed. They are the only heels I can wear because he's this mixture of artist and function -- and it shows in the shoes.
Just to give you a small idea of my obsession, my daughter (7) didn't know the words from Grease's You're the One that I Want, "I got chills, they're multiplying..." Elle sang, "I got shoes, they're Donald Pliners!"
So he signed my new silver Salya's!! I brought him a book, and you won't believe this, I was brave enough to give it to him. I signed it TO him in the car, so I wouldn't chicken out. Yay me! Oh and get this, I saw my muse for Ashley Stockingdale when I was at Santana Row and I said, "Are you here for Donald Pliner?" She said no, she was getting her brows done. Still, a very Ashley thing to do, but come on, it's not the Donald! So isn't he sweet? He took his picture with me and my book. Everyone in the store was dressed to the nines, I had my typical white T and jeans, but I did pair them with fabulous Donald Pliners. Shoes do make the outfit -- hopefully.
Labels: Donald Pliner
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
A GOOD AGENT
A good agent is like a good spouse: always looking out for your best interests, there to balance out your weaknesses, one who cheers you on when you're down but who knows how to put her size five boots in your backside when necessary. I have an agent like that: Karen Solem. She's not for everyone because she doesn't pull her punches. But she is TIRELESS in her pursuit to work hard for me.
I had that brought home to me this week. The project she took me on for was a historical. Or as Robin Miller would say, a HYSTERICAL. LOL It had some suspense, some romance, some women's fiction things, and some true historical facts in it. It is set during the Revolutionary War, never a great period to sell in CBA, on a Maine lighthouse. But boy, did Karen try hard to place that! Back in 2000, she sent it everywhere. And everyone turned it down. So it's been sitting on her self for EIGHT, count 'em, EIGHT, years! She has a contact with a publisher who sells mass market books through CVS drugstores. Just on a whim, she sent Freedom's LIght to the editor. Who LOVED it and wanted to bring it out. We had to get permission from my publisher and I'll be using a pen name for it (because it's a bit out of my brand, being a historical,) but oh the vindication of finally selling that book! And vindication for Karen who always believed in that story. And a fresh reminder that my fabulous agent is my friend, my advocate, my butt kicker. LOL
I reread the book for corrections and was amazed to discover I still love the story after all these years. But it brought home to me that if you're a writer you can NEVER quit. Be like Churchill and determine to NEVER give in to doubt and fear. Never, never, never. It took me seven years to get my first offer on a book. I'll never forget the day I found out Barbour wanted to publish Where Leads the Heart
. I screamed so loudly the cat hid under the bed and wouldn't come out for hours. For days, he flattened his ears if I came near. LOL Those seven years of holding fast to the dream were worth it. And this wait was worth it. It might not be a lot of money and few people will know it's my book, but I know. And Karen knows.
Give me a tough, tenacious woman like Karen every time. If you're looking for an agent, don't settle for just anyone who offers to represent you. Find the right agent for YOU. She/he is out there. Don't give in until you find the partner who will go to the mat for you. If you're not a writer, find a friend like that. One who is there through rain and shine, mud and snow.
Thanks, Karen. Oh that your tribe might increase!
How about you? Do you have a dream that you've been afraid to voice? Or even to think about too long? Find someone to come alongside you and encourage you. I would never have made it without my husband and kids. They're still my wonderful cheerleaders. Follow that dream. Hold it tight. See what doors God will kick open for you. But you have to take that first step.
posted at 10:09 PM
DON'T BE FOOLED!
Happy April Fool's Day, friends. Hopefully you haven't yet been the victim of an April Fool's Day joke. Keep your guard up. There are wicked scary people going around trying their best to make a fool of you.
People like my friend Mike. Every year he leaves a note on his co worker's desk asking her to call Harry Lyons--then leaves the number for the zoo. Every year she calls. It's his little way of brightening his day. Upon hearing of his cruelty, of course, my family decides to come up with our own.
Ima Sweeper--then leave the number for the street sweeping department.
Aiken Paynes--the number for the Pain Management Clinic
Feel free to use these for your own enjoyment.
My kids try to fool me every year--well, my middle child tries to fool me every day--so I've gotten pretty good at smelling a joke a mile away.
But others out there are not so fortunate, I know. Tell us about your sufferings under the evil hands of your friends and relatives, and we'll share your pain.
posted at 8:56 AM