There are highs in life. There are valleys, and then, there is this terrible place that Catholics call purgatory. It's not really here or there. It's a holding cell. A processing center...a time of waiting.
I'm ADD. I don't like to wait, but that doesn't mean that God isn't going to try my patience to get me to learn something. Let's see, I've been stripped of my house, my "stature" if you will, and really had to reevaluate what God wants from me. I've been working on a book for 2.5 years. It's been a nightmare of an experience just because I tried to be someone I wasn't in the book. I tried to send a message that wasn't really mine.
The publisher and I have decided to agree to disagree. I love this publisher, love what they stand for, love what they do. But it's not what I do. It's really hard for me to throw in the towel and say, "I can't do this." Because I'm a fighter, and if you tell me I can't, I work harder. Financially, it's a hit we can't afford to take, but I finally surrendered yesterday and I feel lighter than a feather.
And I know the publisher feels good too because they wanted it to work as much as I did. It just wasn't. I think the biggest reason I couldn't give it up was I didn't have anything to head toward. The skies opened though, and God gave me a clear view. He didn't give me a clear path as to how it would happen and I still don't know. Still have quite a bit of trepidation, and not a lot of earthly security, and yet I know.
Isn't that the best thing about being a Christian? When you clearly hear from God, and you know what you're supposed to do and it's counter-intuitive to everything you've done historically? I want to get right out there and fix this, and find a new publisher, etc., but God is saying NO. Wait. Which He's been saying for a long time. I just didn't want to hear it. So if you have any success stories on this, I'd love to hear them. Tell me what the view from the mountain looks like.
Labels: God's will, purgatory, waiting
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7 Comments:
Oh, Kristen,
I can feel pain you have felt and are still feeling. Change is never easy. I just wish I could take it away. God doesn't always say yes or no, sometimes it is wait. I too, go like a bull in a china shop and think I am doing what God wanted me to do. But it wasn't.
I think you know you made the right decision - you have peace. I find that is the best gage of whether the decision was the right one. God does have a plan.
You are having a "rest note" in your life that you hadn't planned. It may be an eight note or it may be a whole note. However long it is, He is by your side.
We can't stay on the mountain top for very long - just as we reach it, it goes back down to the valley. Life just has curves and hills and rocky roads.
I am praying for you, Kristen, that God will be with your family and bring the right publisher into your life. I also will ask Him to put a hedge around you and 'cover you with His feathers".
He truly does give the "peace that passes understanding". I have to remind myself during these times, that I need to He has said, "Be still and know that I am God". Then I can hear His voice.
You made the decision God led you to make. Now, enjoy this rest so you can be ready to continue your journey.
In Christ,
Cheri
Please forgive me for not getting your name spelled right. I guess that is what the "preview" button is for. LOL
Waiting isn't easy. In fact, there are times when waiting really sucks.
This year I've had to really cling to my faith because nothing was going to happen without God.
Change is hard. Our household has dealt with a lot of change this year, but God has taken stressful circumstances and shown his Glory. Even though my husband lost his job in January, he is now a full-time student.
If God is leading you in a new direction, just remember He's with you every step of the way.
Kris, you can do this. It may be a new way of learning to depend more completely on God. It's what I'm doing--or rather, trying to do--and I believe great good comes from these times of waiting--if we will allow it. Which I'm ALSO trying to do. It truly is a time to breathe. So take a deep breath, realize that God does love you passionately and hasn't just dumped you. Humans may do that. God does not.
Cheryl
Cheri, thank you for your warm post, it means a lot. I don't want to be woe is me. I know I have it good, but I am just getting used to my new life. Where I can't count on "me" so much. And that's not easy.
Lisa, I'm so sorry about your husband's job, I am so glad to hear he's making the most of this time though!
Cheryl, we'll hike thru together, okay? LOL
After waiting until I was 30 to meet my handsome prince and then another 14 years of waiting for a baby that never came I guess I could be called an "expert" on waiting on God. One thing I know Kristin is that fighting God only makes us miserable. When we open our fisted hands flat to Him, He then can take what we're holding on to and fashion it into something we may never have dreamed, or thought possible... or even thought we could handle. He truly can (and does) make something beautiful out of our lives and all the more beautiful after waiting on Him and His perfect timing!
Sue, what a great reminder from someone who has been there. I'm more at peace today. This is a good thing.
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