There are highs in life. There are valleys, and then, there is this terrible place that Catholics call purgatory. It's not really here or there. It's a holding cell. A processing center...a time of waiting.
I'm ADD. I don't like to wait, but that doesn't mean that God isn't going to try my patience to get me to learn something. Let's see, I've been stripped of my house, my "stature" if you will, and really had to reevaluate what God wants from me. I've been working on a book for 2.5 years. It's been a nightmare of an experience just because I tried to be someone I wasn't in the book. I tried to send a message that wasn't really mine.
The publisher and I have decided to agree to disagree. I love this publisher, love what they stand for, love what they do. But it's not what I do. It's really hard for me to throw in the towel and say, "I can't do this." Because I'm a fighter, and if you tell me I can't, I work harder. Financially, it's a hit we can't afford to take, but I finally surrendered yesterday and I feel lighter than a feather.
And I know the publisher feels good too because they wanted it to work as much as I did. It just wasn't. I think the biggest reason I couldn't give it up was I didn't have anything to head toward. The skies opened though, and God gave me a clear view. He didn't give me a clear path as to how it would happen and I still don't know. Still have quite a bit of trepidation, and not a lot of earthly security, and yet I know.
Isn't that the best thing about being a Christian? When you clearly hear from God, and you know what you're supposed to do and it's counter-intuitive to everything you've done historically? I want to get right out there and fix this, and find a new publisher, etc., but God is saying NO. Wait. Which He's been saying for a long time. I just didn't want to hear it. So if you have any success stories on this, I'd love to hear them. Tell me what the view from the mountain looks like.
Labels: God's will, purgatory, waiting