Girls Write Out
Wednesday, February 15, 2006

This has been happening to Kevin for years, and I've made fun of him numerous times. But this week, it finally happened to me.

It all started with a pair of jeans that needed altered. Now, first let me tell you, I have no idea what it's like to walk into a store and find a pair of jeans that fit right off the rack. Never happens. I have a, shall we say, difficult-to-fit shape. Remember the female characters on Lilo and Stitch? All hips and thighs? Well, that's me. By the time I find a pair of pants big enough for my derriere, the waist is two inches too big. If I'm lucky.

So back to the jeans. I get them back from having the waist taken in and slip into them to make sure they fit. "Slip" might be a little kind. I am actually kind of shimmying and tugging, and I honestly wonder if those chocolates Kevin bought me had already made their way to my back side.

To say the rear end is snug is putting it mildly. I know there is only one thing to do: Squats. So down I go, all the way to the floor, feet flat, knees poking me in the eyes. I sit there a while and bounce for good measure. After a couple minutes I stand back up and look in the mirror, frowning. Still tight.

But that's okay, I have another trick in my bag. Lunges. I'm still pretty flexible, so I can take a lunge all the way down to the floor in kind of a half split. Now, don't try this at home unless you're prepared for a very unflattering view of your thighs. I stretch with the right leg out, then switch to my left leg. I'm hopeful this is going to do the trick, but if not, I know I can resort to the spray bottle--everyone knows wet jeans stretch better. (Oh, come on, I can't be the only one.)

I'm sitting there stretching, getting ready to stand, and I take one last bounce for good measure. That's when it happened. R-I-I-I-I-I-P-P! I can't believe it, but I stand up and look in the mirror and sure enough. It's happened. Not only did they rip--and I'm a little embarrassed to admit this--but it didn't even rip in a seam. It ripped right in the middle of the denim. My back side split denim. This is not something I'm proud of. Not even Kevin has managed this, as he was quick to point out when I told about the episode.

So I took the jeans back to the store last night and relayed the whole sorry tale. Okay, I might have left out the bouncing part. The good news is they took the jeans back. The bad news? I had to go up a size. :-(
Denise Hunter  
posted at 7:35 AM  
  Comments (9)
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At 9:54 AM, Blogger Rhonda Gibson said...

OHhhhhhh, I can so relate! Just last week my left thunder thigh split the denim. We were on our way out and I got into the car and Ripppppp.... Hubby says "no one will notice, you don't need to change." I didn't take the chance, sometimes he's such a heathen...

At 10:47 AM, Blogger Robin Caroll said...

Men just don't get it, I don't think. I have a FAVORITE pair of jeans, you know the ones...almost faded to white, hole in the knee...but what REALLY makes them my favorite is that the size is what I wear, but I can pull the jeans off without unsnapping or unzipping them. Now THAT, my friends, makes them my personal favorites! LOL

At 10:56 AM, Blogger Denise Hunter said...

Robin, with my hips, that ain't never gonna happen.

At 1:19 PM, Blogger Kristin Billerbeck said...

That story is hysterical! I would have never taken them back, but written it off as a loss, so I'm proud of you D!! You are woman!

At 4:01 PM, Blogger Corina Bowen said...

Oh, I feel your pain! I worked in a jail when I first started out... was 110 lbs... 2 years later.. lets just say, I was determined to NOT Go up ANOTHER size in work pants, "because I was gonna lose the weight".... Anyway I was squating down to pick something up....... and sure enough! First thought, besides, OMGOSH there are inmates back in the waiting area.. was "what color underware did I have on?" a quick prayer. I had to tell my boss why I needed to leave NOW.. which of course EVERYONE found out before I could get out of the building... ahhh.. the memory....

At 4:36 PM, Blogger Denise Hunter said...

LOL Corina! I guess I can be thankful my ripping took place in the privacy of my home.

And Kris, I only had the nerve to return the pants because Kevin went with me. :-)

At 7:40 PM, Blogger Sabrina L. Fox said...

Denise, you poor little (and I mean little) thing. It's really hard to feel for you, girl. I mean come on. =)

Kidding, I can imagine it was a bad day. But I'm with Kristin on this one. I'd never have had the nerve to take them back, but then you're little enough it probably looked liked the jeans were defective. Me on the other hand...nope, they'd have become some kind of throw pillow or something.

I don't need the little size zero teenie bopper judging me! ;)

At 3:04 PM, Blogger Rachel Hauck said...

Oh, Denise, that's funny. But darlin', I'd trade "sizes" with you any day. :)


At 12:25 AM, Blogger Margo Carmichael said...

I recently went to write that lunges were good for the thighs. But my fingers came out with a Freudian slip, maybe, "lunches" are good for the thighs.

Well, they do keep them alive! ???


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The Authors
Kristin Billerbeck
Kristin Billerbeck is a proud Californian, wife, mother of four, and connoisseur of the irrelevant. She writes Christian Chick Lit; where she finds need for most of the useless facts lulling about in her head.

Colleen Coble

Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.

Denise Hunter

Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.

Diann Hunt

Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.

Hannah Alexander

Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.

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