I stepped into my nightly bath with my "Us Weekly" and for the first time, I noticed this beacon of journalism, has a table of contents! For what exactly, you might ask? Well, that's what I thought too, so I read (because I'm just that sort of investigative type) and there it is listed:
Page 16 This Week's Events
Are things like "Europe burning over a cartoon" listed? Why no. Here's just a few titles:
"Heidi Klum arrives with baby Henry at L.A.'s airport"
I mean, I know I'm no supermodel, but arriving at LAX isn't really an event in any sense of the word, is it? But there's more.

"Chris Rock chows down on McDonald's" Oh my gosh, stop the presses!
But here's the real beauty part, when you get to the pages listed, there's a picture of Chris Rock eating a hamburger. That's it. A picture that apparently needed more of an explanation than the caption. That's your article that needed to be listed in the table of contents: a photo of Chris Rock eating a burger.

Come on, Us, don't insult my intelligence by putting in a table of contents. I know I'm reading crap, and so do you. What's next the Jessica Simpson footnotes and bibliography?