Wednesday, March 26, 2008
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“How’s the story going?” a friend asks.
This is the question writers get, and I have my stock answer handy. “Fine,” I reply. “Great! Terrific!” I enhance my answer with enthusiasm for believability.
It’s not a lie. My story will be fine when it’s finished. I know this. Okay, I really, really hope this. But it’s a wishful hoping that makes my answer true.
I can’t say what I’m really thinking. Offering a peek into the mind of a crazed writer will only scare my friend away.
The whole truth is that when I sat down to write this morning and opened my document, I was paralyzed at the sight of the blinking curser.
Then my friend Insecurity comes and perches on my shoulder. “Did you read that stuff you wrote yesterday?” he asks. “Pure dreck. And you call yourself a writer.”
Having just read yesterday’s work, I have to agree. Insecurity has a point. Oh, my gosh. I can’t write. I’m not a writer.
Feeling lonely or perhaps wanting others to share in the fun, Insecurity invites his close cousins Doubt and Fear to join him.
“It’s not just yesterday’s stuff,” Doubt says. “The whole thing reeks.”
But it’s just the first draft, I argue feebly.
“It’s the foundation for a mess,” Fear says. “The plot is boring, the characters are cardboard, and I know a five year-old with better prose. Are you getting paid for this?”
In fact, I have already been paid for this--for writing that reeks. I’m so going to be paying my advance back.
I’m still staring at the blinking curser fifteen minutes later. The laundry calls. The scum on my bathtub is chanting my name. Socks balled up in the corner are laughing at me.
Yeah, there’s a peek into my neurotic mind. Aren’t you glad you asked? Rest assured though, if you pass me on the street and ask how my writing’s going? I’ll just nod my head and say, “Fine, fine.” Unless you’re another writer. Then I’ll let you have you have it and we can commiserate.
This is the question writers get, and I have my stock answer handy. “Fine,” I reply. “Great! Terrific!” I enhance my answer with enthusiasm for believability.
It’s not a lie. My story will be fine when it’s finished. I know this. Okay, I really, really hope this. But it’s a wishful hoping that makes my answer true.
I can’t say what I’m really thinking. Offering a peek into the mind of a crazed writer will only scare my friend away.
The whole truth is that when I sat down to write this morning and opened my document, I was paralyzed at the sight of the blinking curser.
Then my friend Insecurity comes and perches on my shoulder. “Did you read that stuff you wrote yesterday?” he asks. “Pure dreck. And you call yourself a writer.”
Having just read yesterday’s work, I have to agree. Insecurity has a point. Oh, my gosh. I can’t write. I’m not a writer.
Feeling lonely or perhaps wanting others to share in the fun, Insecurity invites his close cousins Doubt and Fear to join him.
“It’s not just yesterday’s stuff,” Doubt says. “The whole thing reeks.”
But it’s just the first draft, I argue feebly.
“It’s the foundation for a mess,” Fear says. “The plot is boring, the characters are cardboard, and I know a five year-old with better prose. Are you getting paid for this?”
In fact, I have already been paid for this--for writing that reeks. I’m so going to be paying my advance back.
I’m still staring at the blinking curser fifteen minutes later. The laundry calls. The scum on my bathtub is chanting my name. Socks balled up in the corner are laughing at me.
Yeah, there’s a peek into my neurotic mind. Aren’t you glad you asked? Rest assured though, if you pass me on the street and ask how my writing’s going? I’ll just nod my head and say, “Fine, fine.” Unless you’re another writer. Then I’ll let you have you have it and we can commiserate.
14 Comments:
It sounds to me like you need to pick better friends. I don’t bother listening to Insecurity, Doubt and Fear. My problem right now is that Honesty is telling me some of the same things. On the bright side, Honesty says, the last three chapters are good, or they will be with some tweaks. She says, the plot isn’t boring. There are portions of the rest of it that are good, but the first chapter doesn’t show the tension at home well enough and some of the villains are overpowering the theme. That’s not to mention the fact that I still have gaps to fill and characters to develop.
I'm *SOOOO* happy to hear you say this! You've made my day (in a sick demented kind of way LOL) because I've been working on my work of art for a year and a half now and picked it up the other day, started reading and yelled out, "It's all drivel!" Really, who am I to think that I can take on this task?
Thanks for sharing your heart! It's nice to know I'm not alone in my insecurities!
Timothy, you'd better watch over Honesty. Word on the street has it that Insecurity, Doubt and Fear are after her. Just wanted to give you the heads up. :-)
Glad to hear that even experienced writers go through this. I guess the thing is to persevere, tune out the Three, and just keep writing! I also find that babbling, "Dear God, help me do this, I can't do this, HELP!" works well. : )
But seriously, if you struggle with Insecurity, it doesn't show in the end result. Blessings!
Timothy, villains are the best part. That's why I read Ted Dekker.
Denise, at least you're having this problem over something worthwhile. I'm having this problem over a 10 page research paper for class! Two of them, actually.
I'm reading it and I assure you it's not dreck! :-)
Diann, Honesty has no need to worry, but I have the hardest time telling her apart from her evil twin, Pride.
Kayla, I love villains too, but in this case, the “villain” needs to be the female lead. The “super villains” are confusing things.
Glad to see everyone here is as whacky as me. No wonder we all get along so well. :-)
You folks are hilarious! And Denise, I would be hard-pressed to believe that Insecurity and Fear even have the remotest idea what good writing is. I bet dollars to crouton-topped sundaes that it's fantastic.
I can relate so much. I am constantly second guessing every single word I write, so much so that I have to give up because the entire process becomes too stressful. I agree with Timonthy Fish, you should pick better friends and quite frankly so should I.
Oh,Diann! This post was God-inspired. You just don't know the temptation I was facing today!
Yes, Doubt, Fear and Insecurity have kidnapped Honesty and are holding her captive in an undisclosed location.
But never fear, there is a superhero: Faith to the rescue!
Thank you for your faithfulness. :)
Good post and follow-up comments. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one battling insecurity, doubt, and fear. I wrote a novelette a couple of summers ago, decided it was a flop, and have been afraid to write any other fiction ever since! Maybe I'll try again...
On the selfish side, I'm glad an experienced writer is going through this at the same time this newbie is.
But for you, how could an incredibly talented, God blessed writer suddenly start writing drivel? Hmm?
I love "Hinds Feet on High Places," possibly because Much Afraid could be my name, and I cringe every time the Shepherd shows up in her times of fear, because I know every time he's going to say: "build an alter."
Sacrifice that fear.
I am not a writer but I am currently trying to write my PhD dissertation and I think you nailed my daily writing experiences! I am glad I am not the only one...and man does that laundry call!
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