Girls Write Out
Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I live on a golf course. So naturally, I bought some clubs, and had delusions of grandeur. Let me emphasize the word "delusions". This week, a willing friend and I played golf. On the course. With a real golf cart and everything! To say, we provided a lot of entertainment for the clubhouse would be putting it lightly.

Golf is one of those games with a secret code (like on my son's Playstation). The thing is, everyone seems to know the codes except for the new golfers, who clearly need to go to golf charm school or something. But they don't tell you the rules because it's so much more fun to have entertainment laughing at the newbies.

First of all, there's a dress code. (And Lilly Pulitzer does make golf wear, so if I get any good...) I call it brunch wear. You have to dress like you're going to a brunch -- with slacks, a collared shirt, golf shoes. I don't dress this nicely for church! I thought about wearing some great Marc Jacobs' denim slacks, but I thought better of it, maybe that won't do. It wouldn't have. No denim on the course. You have to seriously wonder about a sport where your appearance is such an issue. Especially when you can look so incredibly stupid regardless of what you're wearing. The dress code is just one way they try to keep those "not in the know" off the course. Here's a few of the others.

"We adhere to the three-quarters rule," the golf kid says in all severity.
"Right. Right." We both nod our heads, but when we get to the cart, we realize neither one of us has any idea what that means. Turns out, it's the way you park the cart while you're chasing this stupid ball down the fairway. (Oh and you can't go off the little road on a 3 par.)

So we think we're set. But there are little yellow poles, little white poles, and little red poles on the course. I did find out the red pole means you can't park the cart on that fairway. Some nice man came and yelled it to us.

One thing I learned is that if you are easily humiliated, you need to find another sport. When we drove up to the clubhouse, they were LAUGHING at us. I kid you not! Talk about rude. But you know what? I liked it. I liked being outside. I liked the hollow clunk sound of the ball FINALLY going into the hole, and that one day, I too might be worthy of Lilly Golf attire.

Happy birthday to my fabulous Grandpa. He is 90 today!!! This is the man who wanted to buy me a green dress in kindergarten, and was I thankful? I would have none of it. "The purple one!" I stamped my feet.

Later, as I matured, he would meet me at "Burger King" for a date during my high school years. I knew I was the luckiest girl there. Ah, perfection. Nothing like it, and found in the arms of a grandpa! (And his 95 year old sister made it to his party from San Francisco!!) I got some good genes, I hope my hubby likes me. : )
Kristin Billerbeck  
posted at 1:18 AM  
  Comments (8)
Delicious Delicious
At 8:14 PM, Blogger Rebecca Barlow said...


If you made them laugh, I'm afraid I'd give them all a coronary! My husband is an avid golfer, but as far as I've gotten is the driving range (resulted in my darling, calmly leaving with one less intact club in his bag), and a single generous invitation to "ride along on the golf cart" with him a year or so ago. It was very lovely!

I'm ashamed to say, that I didn't even know who Lily Pulitzer was, before now, and I'm still not sure I've got the 3/4 rule???? Honestly the only thing I remember learning on my ride along, is something about there being a girls tee and a guys one, and that the guys better well get it past the girls one!!

We live just around the corner from a golf course that my husband frequents, so maybe one of these days I'll risk it. It sounds ever so much fun with a friend, if I can't find someone else brave enough to entertain the crowd with me, I'll call you!!

At 9:36 PM, Blogger eileen said...

You rock! I'll bet there's a Prada golf bag, too.

At 10:47 PM, Blogger Camy Tang said...

Good one, Eileen!

I didn't realize there were so many unspoken rules in golf. Now that's just silly. But then again, golf is darn expensive so maybe if you have the money to indulge regularly, you feel entitled to some secret code to keep the poor huddled masses from your precious green?

Gee, can you tell I'm a bit bitter?

Seriously, my husband likes golf but we can't afford for him to play often. Plus he sucks lemons so he can't justify the expense to chase balls around the trees and get laughed at by experienced golfers. :)


At 9:42 AM, Blogger Robin Caroll said... the wife of an avid golfer, and the daughter of one as well, I've grown up on golf courses. I understand all the rules (even the unspoken ones) but have never had a desire to actually play the game. Oh, I love going with my hubby and keeping score (not that he's so tickled when I tell him "water penalty") and I've even marshalled a couple of smaller tournaments. You go, Kris!!!!!

Happy Birthday to your grandfather!

At 10:43 AM, Blogger Angela said...

You have just convinced me that life is better spent OFF a golf course.

I can wear Lily P while walking the dog and inhaling fresh air . . . (VBG)


At 10:55 AM, Blogger Kristin Billerbeck said...

I have to admit, there's this sick part of me that enjoys messing the golfers' perfect world up. I can see how it's totally addictive though, because if you get a good shot and it just think you're Tiger Woods. That's right before you shank it into someone's back yard generally. LOL

And Ang, I can wear Lilly off the course too. Good point. Probably with the money I save from not golfing.

At 3:03 PM, Anonymous alisa said...

I really think you just want to play golf casue Lily does make golf outfits. I think you need to post photos next time you take to swinging a club, Kristin. ;)

At 1:19 PM, Blogger Rachel Hauck said...

Playing golf would be a funny chick lit bit. LOL.

Good for you braving the course! Very cool about your Grandpa, too.



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The Authors
Kristin Billerbeck
Kristin Billerbeck is a proud Californian, wife, mother of four, and connoisseur of the irrelevant. She writes Christian Chick Lit; where she finds need for most of the useless facts lulling about in her head.

Colleen Coble

Colleen Coble writes romantic suspense with a strong atmospheric element. A lovable animal of some kind--usually a dog--always populates her novels. She can be bribed with DeBrand mocha truffles.

Denise Hunter

Denise Hunter writes women's fiction and love stories with a strong emotional element. Her husband says he provides her with all her romantic material, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too.

Diann Hunt

Diann Hunt writes romantic comedy and humorous women's fiction. She has been happily married forever, loves her family, chocolate, her friends, chocolate, her dog, and well, chocolate.

Hannah Alexander

Cheryl Hodde writes romantic medical suspense under the pen name of Hannah Alexander, using all the input she can get from her husband, Mel, for the medical expertise. For fun she hikes and reads. Out of guilt, she rescues discarded cats. She and Mel are presently taking orders from four pampered strays.

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