Labels: 2010 Olympics, Joannie Rochette, Kim Yu-Na, Shaun White

What has happened in our society to the apology. The definition of which is:
a·pol·o·gy (-pl-j)

n. pl. a·pol·o·gies

1. An acknowledgment expressing regret or asking pardon for a fault or offense.

2.a. A formal justification or defense.

b. An explanation or excuse: "The consequence of those measures will be the best apology for my conduct" (Daniel Defoe).

Our society has come to believe that an apology is a simple acknowledgment that you did it. Yeah, we KNOW you did it. How does your holding a press conference confirming what press pictures have SHOWN us in a million different ways constitute an apology?

An apology takes responsibility for the pain you've caused and forces accountability to avoid future bad behavior. Let's face it, if you're not going to QUIT cheating, there's no sense in "apologizing" for it. Hear that John Edwards?

So let's look at a few of our current apologies in the media:

"I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did was unacceptable. And I am the only person to blame." Tiger Woods

Tiger may be the only one to blame, but he hurt a lot of people with his actions. Women who thought they might build a future with him (yeah, I know, but I don't want to get into the delusions), his wife, his mother, his fans. People who BELIEVED that Tiger was an upstanding man of integrity. Their core beliefs of the man they loved were challenged by his behavior. Think how shocking that must have been for them. Tiger included, because his false image was shattered, and he was left to deal with those core issues that were never dealt with. He will have to work hard to regain their trusts.

Going to rehab, working on rebuilding his relationship with his family. That is true apology. The above statement are merely words. Truth is action. I hope the best for Tiger and Elin, I really do.

In contrast, Mark Sanford apologized specifically to everyone and their dog about hiking the Appalachian trail:

And I let them down and in every instance I would ask there forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an immediate process, it is in fact a process that takes time and I’ll be in that process for quite some weeks and months and I suspect years ahead.
But I’m here because if you were to look at God’s laws, in every instance it is designed to protect people from themselves. I think that that is the bottom line of God’s law. It is not a moral, rigid list of do’s and don’ts just for the heck of do’s and don’ts, it is indeed to protect us from ourselves. And the biggest self of self is indeed self. If sin is in fact grounded in this notion of what is it that I want, as opposed to somebody else.

What? Rambling man. Don't bring God into this. Not yet. Not before you launch into the teary ode to your soul-mate in Argentina. Mr. Sanford really doesn't see that he can't have it both ways. Note to Sanford: usually when apologizing for an affair, it's best to leave out how much you're in love for the other woman. At least in your first public venue where your wife and kids are watching. I read Jenny's book, which I loved, but wow, this is a man who is profoundly out of touch with reality and other people's feelings. And he always was. From their first date when she flew from NY to South Carolina and Mr. Chivalrous left his beater car with keys in the airport for her.

She saw it as a test that she'd passed. I guess that was a good thing because there would be many more tests to pass. Dangerous is the man who can use words like butter -- and worse, believes them to be true. I'm not hopeful Sanford will ever come out of his delusions.

Then, we move onto the worst of the apologies of all. I'll admit, my dislike of John Edwards runs deep. Ever since I saw that hair video where he took a half an hour to do his hair, I thought, what kind of MAN is that? But it went much deeper, bordering on revulsion when he ran for president, despite his wife having cancer. I see the pundits are currently trying to put the same sort of banner over Romney because his wife has MS. As an MS sufferer for 24 years, I can tell you they are categorically different. Cancer is an immediate battle for survival, at least hers was. It involved a fight and she shouldn't have had to battle it alone. Edwards' entitlement that he deserved to be president knew no limits. Here's one of his MANY pale apologies/LIES!

John Edwards admitted in a statement that he had an affair and that he "made a serious error in judgment" but denied he fathered a child or that he'd paid her off. In fact, Edwards went further, saying, "I am and have been willing to take any test necessary to establish the fact that I am not the father of any baby, and I am truly hopeful that a test will be done so this fact can be definitively established. I only know that the apparent father has said publicly that he is the father of the baby.

But it is his baby, of course. So this puts Edwards in the same camp as your average Maury Povich guest. To DENY your own child for political gain? Oh dude, I so don't want to be you. Did you think they could switch the DNA like on "All My Children"?

Mistakes in life, sin, they are inevitable. We are not perfect. We have core needs and sometimes, we're very selfish about getting them met. But let's compare King David's apology to some of the above. King David not only had an affair with another man's wife, but he sent the husband off to get killed in the war, so that he could have her to himself. Not exactly the stuff of fairy tales. But David mans up. He owns what he did and the devastation he caused -- and that is what makes him a man. He must endure the death of his child, and his wife's sorrow.

"I have sinned against the Lord." Simple. Seems to leave out a few people, but I think there's so much in this statement. Because David was a man of God, and here he finds out that his actions did not match his core beliefs. After this, David and Bathsheba's baby dies. David fasts and hopes for God's favor on the baby, but it's not to be. The Bible says he goes and comforts his wife, and they have Solomon -- God's restoration for true repentance.

I used to be unable to understand how God could refer to David as having a whole heart for Him. But now I get that David was a passionate man in all areas of life. Of course, his sin would be in the passionate area. I see now that his apology was truly heartfelt and that God wanted his submission and his heart.

Labels: ovarian cancer, prayer shawl, teal

In case you aren't from the South, I need to tell you that the ugly gray thing beside my hiking boot is an armadillo. A living armadillo, though you can pretty much guess why so many of us from Missouri and southwards see a lot of these poor little things dead alongside the road. Their vision isn't good, and they root for their food, so they make so much noise they can't hear danger stalking them. They become so focused on what's right in front of them, desperate for that next bite of food (I won't share what I saw this little one eating) that nothing else occurs to them. I've sneaked up on more than one of these on my hikes. They're fun to watch.

WHEN DID I BECOME A WIMP?
I used to be a camper. Sort of. I well remember the first time I went tent camping with a friend in my teens. Her father told us not to touch the inside of the tent or it would allow the rain in. We, being teens, of course had to test this theory and spent a miserable night with a leaky roof. Maybe that soured me on camping for life.

When I was working with teens, we sometimes went camping. And canoeing. Canoeing I love. Camping, not so much. The last time we went, we took an air mattress to put in our tent. The worst of camping is going out to find the bathroom. So I feel like we're camping this week. Dave and our son tiled the upstairs bathroom this weekend. Um, that meant removing the toilet. So there is only a bathroom downstairs now. And, um, getting older. Which means more frequent visits at night. So we have to slog our way downstairs to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I am so not cut out for camping anymore! And this feels like camping.

Dave and I got the floor grouted last night. It looks great. The toilet will be in tonight and life will be back to normal. It can't come soon enough for me! What about you? Have you changed as you've gotten older? Grown to realize something you used to do just doesn't work anymore?

Labels: Camping

My oldest son bought his first car over the weekend (That's him with the cheesy smile). This week he'll take his written exam for his license, and I have a feeling we're in for a lot of change. Really, the parent/child relationship is the only one whose healthy progression depends on gradually letting go.

Labels: driver's license, first car, parenting

GREAT MOMENTS IN WRITING HISTORY...

Okay, so maybe you won't hear about it in 300 years and my Ashley Stockingdale is no Scarlett O'Hara, but for me, the great writing moments are measured in wonderful times spent outside this box of an office with great friends. We discuss writing. We travel to great places (here we are in Carmel, CA) and we live large at restaurants.

Above on the left is Diann Hunt with the long hair. And that's no wig, doesn't she look cute? I totally think you should go for the Jennifer Aniston look now Di. I mean it's a perfect excuse to be a redhead or relive our Farrah Fawcett/Christie Brinkley days, when we were totally the WRONG coloring, you know what I'm saying.

Then, there's Carol Cox, Kristin Billerbeck and Judith Miller.

I remember these great moments like they were yesterday. Right after this, we went to pick up our future editor, Ami McConnell at the San Jose Airport. I have some prettier ones of me pregnant, poorly dressed and carrying a passport holder rather than a Handbag. WHAT?? And Denise is carrying a briefcase. ROFLOL Colleen looks the same. Got any great moments you'd like to forget in pictures? LOL And don't you love how Facebook lets people post them publicly?

Labels: California, Carmel, Diann Hunt, Judith Miller

We made it home!!! Whoohooo!! I got to sleep in our own bed last night!! God is so good!!

I like old people like myself. I mean, not necessarily gloating on myself, here, and not divulging that I'm elderly yet, but there is so much richness and depth to those who have lived a little. In caring for my 84-year-old mother as she struggles with declining physical health, I can't help appreciating her sense of humor, which pops up at odd times when she's really struggling.

TRUE COURAGE
For we women, our hair is part of our identity. Curly, straight, thick or thin, it's our covering in some special way. This week I got to see real courage in action. Yesterday I got to the hospital. Di looked good. Makeup already on, her cute navy turban in place. I eyed her bright eyes then asked, "The wig appointment is at 9. Do you want me to see if they can do your hair instead?" I was expecting her to waffle and decide not to do this but no. With her head up and her eyes shining, she said very emphatically, "I'm going to do it."

The nurse came in about then and she made the call for me. At ten to nine, the nurse and I helped her into the wheelchair. By now her eyes were gleaming with tears, but we prayed together and I helped wheel her down to the salon on the 1st floor. She didn't want anyone back there as they shaved her head, so I sat on a chair outside the door in case she needed me and prayed. A few minutes later I heard laughter and knew it was going to be okay. Wherever Di is, laughter is sure to be floating in the air! When I next saw her, she looked just the same. Navy turban in place, beautiful eyes shining. But there was a new sense of accomplishment in her face. She'd taken this big step with courage. I was so proud of her!

It would have been more than I could have handled to wait until my hair was falling out in clumps. This way SHE was in control, not the cancer or the chemo. I've just been so encouraged and blessed by her attitude this past week and a half. She has a lot to teach younger women. :-)

I'm home now. I wanted to cry when I left her, but I had to finally get home. Dave had to be back to work, and I have a dr appt tomorrow I've been waiting on. But she's in great hands. I can't recommend the Cancer Treatment Center of America enough! It didn't feel like a hospital but like a really nice Victorian mansion (bigger than that though) and the nurses and doctors were incredible. They prayed with us at the drop of a hat. They have cutting edge technology plus all the support like homeopathy and nutrition guidelines. Dr. Williams and her nurse Carm are wonderful. Supportive and encouraging. It wasn't at all like I expected. Though everyone had cancer, you saw hope everywhere you looked. The food was incredible too! I didn't want to have to come home and cook. LOL

Continue to pray for Di, my dear friends. She has a long road of chemo ahead of her. But a woman who takes charge the way she has will have the fortitude to go all the way! this pic is her with her new wig. Doesn't she look adorable?

Labels: Cancer Treatment Centers of America, chemo, ovarian cancer

Those who read my books might notice I usually set my stories in mountainous regions. I've set them in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and currently in western Montana. Shoot, even Nantucket has a hill or two.

GREAT NEWS!!!

Oh my gosh, we just got the BEST news from Dr. Williams! Di's pathology report just came back. The cancer hadn't invaded any organs, it's not in her lymph nodes, and she said again she got it all. So now it's cleaning up any stray cells with chemo. Praise God, praise God! I teared up when I heard the news and so did the other girls when I called them. God is so good! Di looks great today. I washed her hair this morning and didn't do any damage. They've decreased her morphine--probably so I don't accidentally overdose her. She just got out her gastric nose tube, the one that made her look like Snuffalufagus, and she went for a walk. She got some blood today, and her cheeks looks as pink as if she was wearing blush. :-)

Oh yeah, I caught a glimpse of her tummy when the dr was removing the dressing. she's flat as a board with an adorable wasp waist!

Our girl is on the mend!!!

Sorry we've been so quiet this week. Di had her surgery yesterday and we were all on pins and needles as we waited. I've never had a group of friends that I felt so in tune with -- and I know that Di's surgery really put us all "down" as we went through it with her emotionally. I know we all wished we could take on the pain too. Emotionally, we did just that and it's taken a toll on creativity. (Small price to pay!)

We are all feeling relieved that the surgery is over, that her doctor thinks she got everything, and that chemo will take care of anything that THINKS it's going to grow again. Me, being the vain one, I'm hoping that she got a taut tummy out of all this, Connection/Fellowship/walking with one another through valleys and on mountaintops, it's why God puts us here, I suppose. I mean, yes, we've seen the bestseller lists together, and that's a good thing. But it's knowing your friends are there if you get fired, if you get cancer, if you have pain of any sort, that makes the difference in life.

Real friendships come from NOT hitting the bestsellers' list. From getting one more rejection more than you can handle. From one more Google alert that says, "You SUCK as a writer!" So if you think our friendship is based on success, I'm here to tell you, it's based on years and years and years of testing and failure.

Labels: fellowship, friendship, novelists, testing, valleys, writing

Memories are so precious. I promise that someday I'll remember how to post a photo with my blog, but life has been so hectic lately that I forgot to blog at all last week because Mel and I were traveling up to Indiana to see our GWO girls. Tomorrow is Diann's surgery, and I'll be too busy praying to do any blogging then. Please pray with me!

THE THINGS YOU LEARN ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS
You all know we're here at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I'm rooming with Di. Jim is sick so I'm sharing a bed with Di and Jim is in the twin bed. I've always wondered about those sleep apnea machines. I will say that the sound of it is conducive to sleep. :-)

Anyway, I knew Di had a sweet tooth. But she's always told me she loves vegetables. What she failed to tell me is that love of vegetables is very selective. All these years I was imagining her partaking of lots of broccoli, asparagus, all kinds of tasty veggies. We're in the cafeteria and I offer to pick out her food and asked her what kind of available vegetables she wanted. My jaw dropped when she said anything except something weird like asparagus. Hello? Since when is asparagus a weird vegetable? And how could my veggie loving friend turn her nose up at it? Her nutrition education needs a college degree! I'm going to have to take her in hand and get her healthy. Iceberg lettuce, her favorite thing since she loves salads, is not nutritious!

One great thing about this hospital is the food is FABULOUS! It's all organic and totally tasty. Not a good thing for my diet, I might add. But this is a good place for her to learn about how eat healthy stuff. And I'm just the mom to make her do it.

Keep praying! Another dr appt shortly, then surgery tomorrow. We so love you guys who are holding us up to the Lord!

Labels: asparagus

STARTING THE WEEK
Well we're here in Zion. Our room is wonderful! I brought my Cuisinart coffee maker because we can face anything this week if we have good coffee. It was a good call because there was NO coffee maker in the room. Yikes! Now granted, I could go across the hall and down the steps to the rec room and get some but I like MY coffee. Jim did too but it was a little strong for Di even though I'd weakened it a bit. But she added water and is now fortified for our tour and the doctor visit.

Di's sweet daughter Amber created a Caring Bridge page for Di. You can go here and sign in: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/diannhunt. Amber will be updating it periodically. Thanks so much for your prayers! It's touched me and all the girls to see the community we have here with all of you. Your sweet notes and assurances of prayers have lifted all of us. Our buddy Ruthie even sent Di a prayer shawl that's just gorgeous. We could feel the prayers in it. Christy is knitting her socks too. We love all of you!

Labels: Caring Bridge, Diann Hunt

Prayers Coveted...

Diann is all checked into her appointment in the morning. She's staying at a beautiful cancer center that makes treatment as nice as possible. Colleen is there with her and her husband. And we are there with her in spirit. Tomorrow is her appointment to discuss the treatment plan with her new doctor. Please pray first, for a complete miracle and there's nothing, but secondly that if there is anything, it's easy to clean up and get on with her life.

We'll keep you posted, but know that Diann is grateful for all the concern, but she won't be getting to email this week. More than anything, I (Kristin) want her spirit back. I want cancer to know it's nothing against God and Diann's spirit. We lift her up and ask for His healing hand to get her out of this valley. And back on the mountaintop where she belongs.

Hospitality

Hospitality is probably the spiritual gift I covet the most. I'm happy to open my home, happy to cook for you, but it's those little touches that make the difference. I get so excited about the conversation, I may serve you fried chicken, but I'll forget to put napkins on the table. um, oops. Nice thought, but...

As much as I look forward to coming to Indiana and seeing my girls, Colleen's cast iron claw foot tub is a highlight. That tub is like the right handbag, it was just made for me. I love the simplistic beauty of it. I love that it has this incredible Victorian history with it that adds to the aura of taking a bath. Suddenly, I'm in "Somewhere in Time" and all these ideas spring to life. Just ask the girls, I was ON at the brainstorming session we had. (It's the bathtub!)

When I arrived Thursday, not only did Colleen draw me a bath, but she had bought Lush bath bombs and soaps. I don't know if you've ever HAD the luxury of a Lush Bath Bomb, but they turn your water into this gorgeous silky color and leave little surprises like pink and red hearts, dried flowers or a cinnamon stick floating on the surface. Colleen even had a fuzzy, warm bathrobe for me. It is better here than any spa and that's because my Indiana sisters are so incredible at hospitality.

From the bathtub, to the morning coffee to the temperature of the rooms, I feel absolutely coddled. So hon, if you're listening, I think I may be snowed in for awhile. Got any great hospitality tips you like to do for your guests?

Labels: claw foot tub, gift of hospitality, Victorian

The Girls Write Out Girls are together! Kristin and Cheryl came to Indiana and we're enjoying the luxury of Denise's warm and cozy home. We've been brainstorming all morning, gabbing and just rejoicing in being together.

THINGS BECOMING A GRAMMY HAS TAUGHT ME
When I saw Alexa this morning, I couldn't stop laughing at her wild hair. It's getting curlier and it's hard to tame. But it's so darn cute, who cares? I got to thinking about how much loving her has taught me about God. Have you ever thought about that? How those we love here teach us about the unfathomable love He has for us? Here is what our Punky has taught me:

1. I would never ever abandon her. Not if she turned away from me. Not if she hurt me terribly. The love I have for her is overwhelming. It's not conditional on what she does or doesn't do. It's just THERE. And I realized that what I feel for her is just a drop in the ocean to how God loves me.

2. We all respond to unconditional love. Our darling can't help but love us back because we pour such love on her head. She didn't love us the minute she was born, but she has responded to the love we have heaped on her. It's the same way with God. We can't help but respond to His love when we really start to grasp all He's done for us.

3. Discipline isn't a bad word. We sometimes have to tell Punky no even though it hurts like crazy when she puckers up. What must God feel when He has to tell us no for our own good? We know we can't let her climb up on her little stool because she might fall. But it still hurts to know she's hurting.

4. See all those toys in her toy room? Um, we may all have gone a little overboard, but we delight in giving her good things, things that bring her joy. It's no wonder our heavenly Father withholds nothing good from us because He delights in us even more.

5. I love to hear her try to say my name. Instead of Grammy, she calls me Mammy. LOL Too cute! She calls her Poppy Pop-Pop. Our feeble attempts to call God by name must delight Him too. We all like to hear our name on the lips of the one we love.

Showing love has always been important to me, but I've learned so much since Punky has been born. I bet she'll teach me even more in the coming years. So how about you? How has loving someone changed you and deepened your appreciation for your heavenly Father?

An update on Diann: Her colonoscopy was ALL CLEAR today! Whoohoo!

Labels: God's Love